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GOP rebrands Dems as “Democrat Hussein Oparty”

May 18, 2009 By: ERITAS News Service Category: Elections, Government, Humor, Politics, San Francisco, Satire, Society 3 Comments →

The Republican National Committee today approved a resolution renaming the Democratic Party the ‘Democrat Hussein Oparty.’ The unanimous vote occurred during a special GOP conference.

When the Republicans announced last week that they would vote on the name change, White House Press secretary Robert Gibbs tried to laugh off the change. “Given the challenges that they face, that’s exactly the way I would be using my time too,” he said, chuckling.

And Democratic chairman Tim Kaine commented that the Republican resolution is “childish.”

However, one Republican said the name change has a precedent. “Democrats used to be called the Democratic-Republicans. But they started becoming un-American in 1844, when they dropped the Republican,” said former House speaker Newt Gingrich.

Prominent Republican Rush Limbaugh agreed, the conservative radio host saying “My egghead friend Newt is correct, we are only saying the Democrats’ name should reflect its leader, the socialist Barack Hussein Obama.”

Republicans took the action over the objections of their chairman, Michael Steele. On Sunday Steele told Meet The Press host David Gregory, “I don’t think that that is an appropriate way to express our views on the issues of the day.”

Limbaugh convened the GOP conference by calling Michael Steele a fraidy cat, giving him a wedgie, and throwing him into a locker.

Limbaugh then called Gibbs “a little baby pablum puker,” wondering aloud if the Obama spokesman wears a bib. Limbaugh worked the delegates into a frenzy, leading them in singsonging, “Gibbs wears a bib, Gibbs wears a bib.”

Limbaugh also gave Governor Kaine the name Candy. “I know you are, but what am I?” Limbaugh responded.

The name Democrat Hussein Oparty went into effect almost immediately, with House minority John Boehner believed to be the first to employ it.

Characterizing as “gross” accusations by Speaker Nancy Pelosi that the CIA had misled her about the use of torture on terrorism suspects, Boehner took to the House floor to call her claim “typical of Democrat Husseins like Speaker Pelosi, a gross San Francisco socialist. Grossy Pelosi, that’s what she is.”

“Grossy Pelosi, Grossy Pelosi,” Boehner said.

In other news, Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) was found today pantsed and hanging from a coathook in the Senate cloakroom. When asked to comment, Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell merely stuck out his lower lip and shrugged.

And San Francisco Politicians Wonder Why…

March 14, 2009 By: Kvatch Category: Protest, San Francisco, Society 14 Comments →

…people say our city is a trash-filled, graffiti covered, disgrace. I MEAN WHO THE F*CK TAGS A TREE FOR CHRIST’S SAKE?!  And this is the second time.

Guessing how things will go down—based on how the assholes at the Department of Public Works reacted last time we got a major tag on our building—I expect the following:

In about a month we’ll receive a missive from the DPW taped to our front gate informing us that we need to remove the tag…on the tree…within two weeks…or the city will fine us. So we’ll do it. Of course that will mean stripping the bark which will probably kill the tree. Then the dead tree will get infested, and the DPW will let us know that we have to have it removed, at our own expense or—yes you guessed it—we’ll be fined. Finally, after we’ve spent thousands removing the tree and repairing the sidewalk, the DPW will inform us that if we don’t plant a new tree we’ll…wait for it…be fined for violating urban beautification statutes.

But at no time during this process will the little sh*t who did the tagging: Be sought, caught, criminally prosecuted, or fined. Even though we have a pretty good idea of where to find her/him, the SFPD’s response is usually something like, “What do you want us to do? We’ve got more important crimes to deal with.” Such is life in Babylon by the Bay.

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