comes out of retirement…again.  And all it took was $20 million dollars.  Who says we’re living in a bad economy?  I say we all retrain and become NFL quarterbacks.

Now that his engagement is off, this joker has announced he’s running for Mayor of Wasilla.  And…he’s working on an new reality show.  Mark your calendars, the Levi era has begun.

You know that hundreds of paparazzi are camped out in the bushes tonight near the Lynwood Correctional Facility.  You see Lindsay Lohan, former child star and all around great girl, is set to be sprung from prison tonight.  Yes, like Angelina Jolie’s dramatic 2 a.m. helicopter airlift from a French hospital with her twins, Linday’s release is being choreographed like a military campaign.  Stylists and make up artists are on high alert.  Extensions have been ordered and 6126 leggings have been delivered to the prison facility so that Lindsay can re-enter society looking like a true star and not the haggard, lost little girl that we’ve all come to expect on the cover of Star and The Enquirer.  I’m astonished by all the effort since her next stop is rehab, but then I’ve never had to resurrect my dead career at the tender age of 24.  Ah well, this is America.  By 30 she could have her big comeback.  I mean Britney Spears shaved her head and she hasn’t disappeared from the public eye yet.  Not that I wouldn’t pay to see that happen too!

Headline: New NFL locker room poster warns of head injuries

Ah USAToday.com you provide hours and hours of family fun.  I giggled when I saw this headline yesterday.  You don’t pay these guys millions and millions of dollars not to mess themselves up.  You pay them so they do just that.  What’s even funnier is that the New York Times threw up a shot of the poster (below).  I’m not sure there’s a guy in the NFL who could actually read this thing.  May I suggest a poster with illustrations instead?

Headline: BP to replace CEO Hayward with American

Wow!  That’s great news, because we all know no one can handle a crisis like an American.  I’m sure the Gulf Coast is sleeping soundly tonight knowing that an American is at the helm.  After all Americans did such a great job with that Katrina clean up.  Wait, um wasn’t it the American Army Corps. of Engineers that neglected to shore up those levies anyway? Oh never mind.

USAToday.com reports that new American CEO Robert Dudley’s, “ascension to the top slot signals the value BP places on getting the Gulf of Mexico oil disaster behind it and the importance of good relations with the U.S.”  I guess that means the guy looks good on t.v. and doesn’t say talk like an asshat in press conferences.  Style over substance baby, it’s the American way.

Tony Hayward who is slated for a position in BP’s Russian joint venture couldn’t be reached for comment for our article.  His office told us he was vacationing (and banking his $1.6 million salary?) in the Caribbean, and would be busy upon return decorating his new billion dollar Black Sea dacha.

Note: Okay I know the Frog said goodbye and that we’d quit blogging, but there’s still so much insanity in the world I just can’t!  ~ Frogette

Poor, beleaguered Mel Gibson stepped out this past weekend to brave paparazzi and go to church.  You see Mel’s a Catholic.  And that got me thinking.  This guy has basically got a “get out of jail free card”.  He can beat his ex girlfriend, shirk his child support and generally berate anyone who crosses his path.  As long as on his last day on earth he apologizes and says he is, “really, really sorry”.  Then *bing!* it’s halo time.  What’s that you say?  He might never work in this town again?  Considering he still has possession of a $14.5 million house and he built that church he went to, I think he’ll survive.  No justice.  No justice at all.

The Obama Administration has just announced that since it can find no exit strategy for the war in Iraq it’s doing the next best thing, rebranding.  Yup, like Comcast-Xfinity, Operation Iraqi Freedom will now be know as Operation New Dawn.  Operation New Dawn, doesn’t it just give you a warm fuzzy?  It’s apparently set to coincide with the drawdown of troops in Iraq (I’ll hold my breath).  Military families are up in arms about the Admistration’s attempt to end a war by simply changing it’s name.  Oh and did I mention that Operation New Dawn is how the Iraqis referred to the 2004 battle for Falluja?  I don’t think they’re going to be happy when they get this memo.

So I got this e-mail today and I had to laugh out loud.  I’ve been offered money from Nigerian Lawyers, marriage proposals from Russian woman, and um, enhancements for my “equipment”, but I’ve never been accused of making more money.  Especially not in the past year.  Dude!  You have no idea how wrong you are!

From:  Tax Commisar

Dear taxpayer,

The Federal income tax is a progressive tax, meaning that the more you earn, the higher your tax rate. Your tax rate depends not just upon your taxable income, but also upon your filing status (single, married filing jointly, etc.).

You’re in a higher tax bracket because:
- your annual income for the last tax year has increased.

Please review your annual tax report immediately at: get report

I remember the blizzards of 92-93 on the East Coast—the District running out of money for road clearing during the very first storm and resorting to pushing huge piles of snow into the Potomac River. I remember drivers abandoning their cars on the Capital Beltway by the hundreds during the superstorm on March 12th, and I remember panicked Virginians stripping everything but the screws and bolts from local store shelves.

With this year’s second superstorm already battering the Atlantic seaboard, and all the stores already cleared of every scrap of food, do you think people in and around the nation’s capital will resort to cannibalism?

(You can thank the Frogette for inspiring this post.  She was actually snowed in for 4 days back in ‘93.)

I was falling over laughing this week about the insane details coming out about John Edwards infamous “Mistress Cover-up”.  This man has got to be the dumbest lay ever.  First he falls for a new agey California filmmaker.  Then he decides he’ll just cheat a little bit on his wife.  Did I mention she’s suffering from incurable cancer?  Shades of Newt Gingrich anyone?  Well the story goes on.  Turns out the idiot mistress gets pregnant and Edwards campaign manager sends her into hiding so that Edwards can maintain his bid for president.  His former aide who accepted responsibility for the child’s paternity also goes into hiding with her and his wife.  Are you still with me?  Well they spend the entire pregnancy camped out in high end hotels and flying around the country in private jets all on the dime of a 99 year old  private donor named “Bunny” Mellon.  To the tune of $700,000 sent via chocolate boxes with notes saying, “This is the save the nation.”.  Obviously Bunny had no idea what she was paying for.  In the end they spent over a million dollars and it all came out anyway.  These things always do.  What next?  Well the aide is morally indignant enough with Edwards actions that he has written (and is flogging) his own book, The Politician.  Yeah, the guy who lied about paternity is pissed because Edwards didn’t tell America the truth.  Somebody get that guy a mirror, “Hello pot?  This is the kettle, you’re black!”.  Oh and did I mention he has photos and a sex tape of Edwards and his mistress safely stashed away?  American scandal.  It just doesn’t get any better than this!