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Archive for January, 2008

The Week in iNews

January 31, 2008 By: ERITAS News Service Category: Humor, Politics, Satire 7 Comments →

To Ragebot readers: Original R&D work on the iNews family of Wi-Fi Headline Translators was done by Air America Radio’s old morning show. That prototype unit, the Model 5000, was acquired by Wiseline Institute Northwest in early 2007 at a garage sale. An OS update CD found at a Pike Place Market pawn shop upgraded it to Model 9000 Turbo.

Ever since it has been activated most Fridays at Mr_Blog’s Left Turn. By special arrangement, we are pleased to install it here on Ragebot for your enjoyment.

From the iNews 9000 Turbo Wi-Fi Headline Translator:

Headline: Israel wants Egypt to reseal Gaza border
Translation: No economic stimulus package for Palestinians

Headline: Bush – faith helped beat addiction to alcohol
Translation: “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines”

Headline: M’s will need more than Bedard
Translation: Seattle pitchers and catchers report to Lourdes

Headline: I-90 closed at Snoqualmie Pass due to avalanche
Translation: Huckabee, in search of landslide, yodeled

Headline: #3 al-Qaeda Leader Killed
Translation: Continued vacancy at #2 hailed as “makin’ good progress”

Headline: Schwarzenegger Endorses McCain
Translation: McCain pledges to build “Skynet” computer-based defense system

Headline: Cable Snafu Cuts Internet Access in India
Translation: Indians unable to email selves for tech support

Headline: Messenger’s Pictures From Mercury Surprise Scientists
Translation: Queen front man, thought dead, returns – will tour with Zeppelin this year

Headline: Chicago voters join early voting trend
Translation: Fetuses now outnumber dead in voter registrations

Headline: Giuliani’s epic collapse
Translation: Only received 911 votes in Florida

What economy, stupid?

January 31, 2008 By: Cartledge Category: Politics 11 Comments →

If a government that protects ordinary people is a “nanny state,” then one protecting the super-rich deserves the title of “super nanny state.” Bernanke and the Super Nanny-State

Don’t look now America, but your leaders have abandoned any pretensions to economic management. Back in ‘06 I made an unpopular prediction that the Republicans would tank in the mid terms because they ignored the household economy of middle America.

The Republicans were blindsided when rust belt states started turning against them. How could it be? The markets are booming!

You are being led by a bunch of economically illiterate dingos. Sure they gave away economic responsibility to The Fed and a bunch of corporate mates. Maybe they knows more about economics…

Great move, the corporate mates don’t give a rat’s arse about you, unless you are a shareholder. The Fed champions monetarist policy which essentially means looking after the corps, the big money. So when the Fed cuts rates it is intended to help the big boys out, the markets.

The markets aren’t the economy; the markets are a side game like poker in the parlour. Unless you manage to slip a few chips out of the pot while no one is watching the game gives nothing to the house. If you play like me it would probably take a fair bit.

So now the US is in deep shit, and despite what commentators, IMF et al try to tell you, the US is in that shit pit pretty much on their own. China and India might feel a blip, but they are in a major growth period. They have your manufacturing industries.

Australia fell into bed with these giants and is in danger of being swamped in cash, an economy stretching the bounds of growth. Europe is more complex, but has enough diversity and manufacturing to get through.

And don’t let your leaders put all the blame on the sub-prime market. That was just one element of the rampant greed encouraged by get rich quick merchants you believe are there to protect you.

It seems like old Abe was wrong on one issue, “you can fool most of the people all of the time.” But then the US has always rewarded the robber barons at the cost of the people. You are now living in the Super Nanny State.

Vanity Choice

January 31, 2008 By: Kvatch Category: Politics 11 Comments →

For those of you following the Arizona debate over “Choose Life” license plates–vanity plates backed by the Arizona Choose Life coalition–the culmination was reached this week in the US 9th Circuit Court. This is the way it went down:

'Choose Life' plateBack in 2002/2003 the ACL petitioned the Arizona License Plate Commission (that’s the group that decides which not-for-profit causes get to enshrine their views in metal for your rear bumper) to support a new plate with the slogan “Choose Life”. And… when the commission turned down the request, the ACL sued claiming that they’re First Amendment rights were violated.

You know what? I think that 9th Circuit 3 judge panel was probably right. If we’re going to slap stupid slogans on license plates, why not allow every cracker organization with an ax to grind to put their thoughts in your face while you’re driving? “Choose Life”? How about, uh… “Choose Choice?” (Hmmm… maybe that doesn’t work so well.)

But setting aside the strict constitutional interpretation, seems to me that the real issue is about sticking your thoughts in someone else’s face. I mean nobody ties you down and forces you to read my rantings. But America has a manic for child-bearing, and it seems that when a baby (fetus…whatever) is involved privacy, propriety, and personal space go out the window.

Here’s how it ought to go down:

“Touch my belly and draw back a stump.”

“No you can’t hold my baby!”

“It’s my god-damned choice, and I don’t need your stupid license plate to tell me otherwise!”

File this one under “Duh!”

January 30, 2008 By: Frogette Category: Entertainment 6 Comments →

Jossip.com is reporting that Americans are over their love affair with reality television. Yup, it seems they’ve had enough of American Idol, Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann and Wife Swap. The writer’s strike, now hitting the 3 month mark, has us all running out of content. Myself I’ve been to the movie theater, burned through everything NetFlix has on offer, and even turned to YouTube.com to keep me going during The Great Content Drought of 2007/2008. If this doesn’t let up soon I’m going to have to go back to reading books for crying out loud, and really, who wants that?

Jeff Zucker, President of NBC Universal and demi-god of the broadcast television networks announced in Vegas that the writer’s strike will cause their industry to reinvent itself. Um, duh Jeff. With no content you’re going to have a hard time filling those network slots and posting on Hulu.com (is that even online yet?). Zucker wants to eliminate pilot season, big ad conventions in Vegas, and charge you for digitized content (Hulu.com and NBC.com).

I say do what you gotta do man. I want my Battlestar Galactica back. It’s the only really smart thing on t.v. anyway. Oh, and when you hire those writer’s back, how about you all stop insulting the intelligence of the American public with dumbass shows like According to Jim and Ghost Whisperer?

Legacy Legions Battle Over Bush

January 30, 2008 By: Kvatch Category: Politics 15 Comments →

I read recently that Americans United for Change are going to create a fund to ensure that George Bush is ‘deprived of his legacy’. By which they mean that they want to keep buildings, bridges, highways, memorial hedge-funds, new debt-consolidation instruments, public restrooms, etc… from being named in his honor. And you know what I say to this: What an enormous waste of $8.5M!

George W BushWho the f*ck cares if idiots want to name their public works after the worst president in history? Let ’em. It’ll be a continual reminder to America of our folly in electing such a moron, not once, but…uh…well OK…once.

I mean is it any wonder that ‘ol Ronnie Rayguns reputation is starting to tarnish? Ronnie of the monumental debt burden, of the economic policies that wrecked the middle class, of the dismantling of the social safety net? Why do you think it is that he’s coming in for so much criticism these days? I’ll tell you why, because Republicans went on a naming spree after Reagan left office. Reagan is f*cking everywhere. Here’s just a selection:

  • The USS Ronald Reagan (nuclear powered aircraft carrier)
  • Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport (DCA) (I still can’t think of it as anything but ‘Washington National’)
  • The Reagan Highway (US 14), Memorial Tollway (Interstate 88), and Freeway (CA 118)

Jeez they even want to rename the Pentagon in his honor–how appropriate is that?–and put his smiling mug on the $10 bill. Might as well just rename the country Ronnieville.

And so it could be with Bush. There’s no doubt that the 30%’ers are gonna keep pushing the tired canard of how Bush protected America, fought the t’rrorists, blah, blah, blah… So if we let them go on their own naming spree, Bush’s reputation will suffer because we’ll continually be reminded of what a monumental ass-wiping, Constitution busting, prick he was.

A Return To Blogging?

January 28, 2008 By: Kvatch Category: Blogging 18 Comments →

As Saint Alan would have said, “There is no need for irrational exuberance.” Though…this probably is a sign of Kvatch’s return to blogging.

Will it be snarky? Yes! Will it be cool? Yes. Will it be soon? Yes. But remember, this is just a test post. So stay tuned and thanks for your patience while I work on this whole WordPress thingy.

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