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Archive for November, 2009

Let us celebrate a win for the extreme right

November 30, 2009 By: Cartledge Category: Uncategorized 1 Comment →

Okay, it is only Australia, but I am excited to see an extreme candidate take leadership of the countries major opposition party, the Liberals. The issue splitting this fractured party even further is climate change legislation.

The hapless merchant banker cum leader, Malcolm Turnbull, crafted a great watered down version of a watery approach to carbon emissions, but his party has now dumped him in favour of a hard line climate change opponent; well he doesn’t accept the science it seems.

I am thrilled to see Tony Abbot become opposition leader. His fierce conservative (bugger, we need some new adjectives here because he’s a bloody right wing radical) approach will finally out the self serving bastards who call themselves Liberals.

So we Aussies, already suffering the effects of climate change with floods, fire, drought and the rest are probably going to see a new election capitalising on the stupidity of these representatives. It will be a double dissolution of parliament, which means every position, lower house and senate, will be up for grabs.

Personally I’d rather see some effective emission controls in effect, but perhaps a new, clean house might include more greens. The big issue is that most Aussies don’t like the new opposition leader and are actually concerned to see effective environmental initiatives. Onya Liberals! But the Greens had better get working.

Secret Service investigating party crashers – McConnell, Boehner not on guest list

November 30, 2009 By: ERITAS News Service Category: Humor, International, Media, Politics, Satire 1 Comment →

The U.S. Secret Service is promising a thorough investigation today, following the embarrassing disclosure that a pair of uninvited publicity seekers succeeded in entering last Tuesday’s White House state dinner for Prime Minister Manmohan Singh of India.

Sen. Mitch McConnell and Rep. John Boehner, the leaders of the Republican minority in the Senate and House respectively, made it past White House security and mixed with politically relevant people.

Photographs posted on their Live Journal page — Boehner in black tie, and McConnell attired in a beautiful, red Indian style gown with gold trim — show the lawmakers chatting with other guests including the First Dog, Bo, and being served cocktails by Vice President Biden.

Security concerns were further raised by photos showing them in the receiving line, greeting the President, First Lady Michelle Obama and Prime Minister Singh. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said there was never any danger to the First Family or their guests. “All guests were screened at the front gate for metal objects and teabags,” said Gibbs.

“The only direct interaction was when John Boehner asked the President directions to the little boys’ room,” Gibbs said, adding
that McConnell and Boehner were not seated at dinner in the main tent. Rather, they had sandwiches at a card table, set up for them in the historic White House Rec Room.

The party crashers are drawing extra media scrutiny due to their being among the subjects of an upcoming reality TV program, CSPAN’s Unreal House Members and Senators of Washington DC. “Our camera crew followed them as they shopped and got dressed to go to the dinner — but we didn’t think they’d actually get in,” said Byron Sheep, CSPAN spokesman.

“We intended for this to be a comedy show about a couple of people who oppose everything the president stands for and want him to fail. Yet still want to be part of the pomp and circumstance, and whine about not being invited,” Sheep said.

Time magazine declares 00’s the “Decade from Hell”

November 28, 2009 By: Frogette Category: Economics, Society, War 7 Comments →

My first thought was, “Somebody lost big in the Market”, then I read the article and realized it’s been a hell of a past 9 years.  Here are some of the highlights:

–  Y2K:  We waited, we stockpiled and in the end it all amounted a hill of beans

–  Tech bubble bursts:  Thousands lose their jobs

–  9/11:  The worst day ever.  Period.

–  Afghanistan:  We attack, we declare victory, we are still there.

–  Iraq: See Afghanistan…

–  Asian Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, Chinese earthquake: It’s like a 1970’s disaster movie on endless loop

–  George Bush:  He alone could get the decade declared the Decade from Hell

–  Housing bubble bursts:  Foreclosures, market meltdowns, Madoff

The big question here is, “Will the next decade be better?”  In American history if one decade is bad then next is usually good.  Typical cycle of win and lose.  I wonder though if we’ve finally come to the end of the line.  What do you think?

Thanksgivings of the Past

November 26, 2009 By: Kvatch Category: Health, History 6 Comments →

There are many reasons to be thankful that most of us weren’t around to celebrate Thanksgiving in the 1930’s.  Here’s another:

camels-thanksgiving

Read the original post at The Consumerist and a have a happy, Camel free, Thanksgiving!

GOP slams Obama on pardon – Annual Turkey-based post

November 25, 2009 By: ERITAS News Service Category: Humor, Politics, Satire 4 Comments →

The senior House Republican said today his party was right to oppose the Obama administration’s decision to bring accused terrorists to the U.S. for trial, shortly after the President issued a pardon for a member of the terror cell al-Tryptophan.

Tahm Turqi abu Wattle had been held at Camp Butterball since 2004, classified as a juicy and crispy enemy combatant. Civil liberties groups have claimed Camp Butterball detainess are subjected to interrogation methods — such as trussing, brine-boarding and being poked with instant-read thermometers — that amount to torture.

“We told you so,” House Minority Leader John Boehner said today on Michael Savage’s Savage Nation radio program. Republicans had earlier predicted terrorists could manipulate American courts or escape from custody.

“We told you we never should have brought the prisoner to American soil.  We told you he’d find a way to get released, and we were right,” Boehner said.

“A gibletist jihadist from Turkey has been loosed on the American homeland. We’ll be hit with gravy of mass waistlines, and President Obama will be to blame,” Boehner said.

Savage said the president doesn’t understand the threat. “A man with such low body fat and rippling six-pack can’t comprehend the carbohydrate threat of stuffing,” Savage said.

Senator Joe Lieberman (Connecticut for Lieberman Party-CT) took to the Senate floor to express his disgust for the pardon. “I predicted that bringing a seasoned terrorist to our soil would give him a stage for his beliefs, and he took advantage of it. He wants Islam to gobble up America! All he talked about was gobble-gobble, gobble-gobble!”

Lieberman went on to say that al-Tryptophan likely is plotting to lull Americans to sleep in front of the TV so they will miss the end of the Big Game.

(Annual Turkey-Based Post ©2009 Wiseline Institute NW & Center For The Secular Humorism)

inews9kHAPPY THANKSGIVING!
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Future Headlines – Republican ‘Purity’ Test

November 23, 2009 By: Kvatch Category: Politics, Satire 4 Comments →

GOP TO REQUIRE ‘PURITY TEST’ FOR MEMBERS – SUPPORT FOR SMALL GOVERNMENT AND LOW  DEFICITS AMONG NEW REQUIREMENTS

FORMER PRES. BUSH, ENTIRE CABINET, AND MOST APPOINTEES CAST OUT OF THE PARTY

SENATE REPUBLICANS ‘KICKED TO THE CURB’ – VOW TO CREATE NEW PARTY

HOUSE MINORITY CAUCUS SHOWN THE DOOR

RONALD REAGAN HAS GOP MEMBERSHIP POSTHUMOUSLY REVOKED

SARAH PALIN SOLE REMAINING GOP MEMBER – EVEN JOE THE PLUMBER BOOTED

GOP PASSES INTO HISTORY AS NEW PARTY CREATED

BIG-DO NOTHING-GOVERNMENT PARTY WILDLY SUCCESSFUL AT SIGNING UP TEA-BAGGERS

Wolf Auto Reaps A Sh*tstorm

November 22, 2009 By: Kvatch Category: Commentary, Politics, Protest 6 Comments →

Wolf Auto - Car dealer or fuckwad?

… and here’s the original (in miniature) with a link to the post at Daily Kos:

Stupak offers compromise – Coverage of premature ejaculation treatment could delay abortions “by as much as 6-7 minutes”

November 21, 2009 By: ERITAS News Service Category: DINOs, Health, Humor, Politics, Satire 5 Comments →

Anti-abortion congressman Bart Stupak today notified fellow Democrats that he is willing to modify his controversial health care reform amendment restricting abortion funding.

The Michigan 1st District representative hopes to improve chances his restrictions will be in the final version of reform after reconciliation with the version that will come out of the Senate, which is about to begin floor debate.

Stupak’s amended amendment would add the guarantee for all Americans of universal coverage for treatment of premature ejaculation.

“Guaranteeing access to P.E. treatment would limit abortions by as much as 6 to 7 minutes, each, but doesn’t further restrict women’s reproductive rights,” he said.

“This represents pro-life Americans extending a hand of compromise to pro-death Americans, the kind of compromise abortion foes are all about,” Stupak said magnanimously.

However, his compromise is drawing the ire of one leader of the pro-life movement.  Operation Rescue founder Randall Terry said delaying ejaculation interferes with conception.  “Putting it off by 6 or 7 minutes, that’s delaying the creation of sacred life and therefore unacceptable,” said Terry.

“Besides, without premature ejaculation I wouldn’t have the anger and self-loathing that drives my anti-abortion crusade,” Terry said.

iNews Friday, 11/20/2009

November 20, 2009 By: ERITAS News Service Category: Humor, Politics, Satire 2 Comments →

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: George W. Bush- I Kept my Values
Translation: “In my pocket- oh wait, that’s lint”

Headline: NASA discovers ‘significant’ amount of water on moon
Translation: “Forget it Jake, it’s Tranquility Base”

Headline: US opens its first marijuana cafe
Translation: “You want lots and lots and lots of fries with that?”

Headline: Palin says presidency “not on my radar screen”
Translation: Palin’s radar still busy searching for rearing Putin

Headline: Palin tells Oprah she won’t rule out 2012
Translation: “I might catch a matinee.”

Headline: Palin reportedly spending Thanksgiving in Richland
Translation: Fundraising; thinks all the rich people live there.

Headline: Oprah Winfrey to End Her Program in 2011
Translation: Fears having to interview Palin again in 2012

Dear Senator

November 19, 2009 By: Frogette Category: Government, Health, Satire 8 Comments →

You are receiving this letter at the request of the American people.  I have been asked to inform you that effective immediately we will no longer be paying for your health care or that of your staff and dependents.  As your employer we have decided that we can no longer afford the cost of your care.  Since there is no “single payer” option available to us, there will be no single payer option for you either.  I suggest that you get back to your office and start making phone calls.  For if you don’t pass a health care bill soon you will be forced to face firsthand the terror of living uncovered and financially exposed.

Sincerely,

The Frogette (American taxpayer and one pissed off constituent)

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