From the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator–

Headline: Joe Scarborough Drops F-Bomb On MSNBC Morning Show
Translation: “Less wordy than ‘goodnight and good luck’,” says Scarborough

Headline: Racial Gerrymandering Is Unnecessary
Translation: “It’s just fun,” explains Tom DeLay

Headline: Veterans Day To Be Observed
Translation: FBI to observe anti-war veterans today

Headline: Can John Edwards mount a comeback?
Translation: INPUT ERROR, PLEASE REBOOT THE INEWS 9000 – DO YOU WANT TO SEND AN ERROR REPORT TO ELIZABETH EDWARDS?

Headline: Space Plumbers Ready for Shuttle Launching
Translation: Joe the Space Plumber says space program funded entirely with tax dollars “sounds like socialism to me”

Headline: Paulson wants to alter financial rescue plan
Translation: Paulson causes run on the Treasury – CEOs line up around the block hoping to get remaining funds

Headline: Bush defends free-market system
Translation: Thanks, but you’ve done enough