California Cagers Caught Clutching Cells…
July 02, 2008 By: Kvatch Category: California, Law, Society
…on the first day of our new ban on using your mobile phone while driving. And all I have to say is:
About mother-f*cking time!!!
Not a week goes by when I don’t have to leap out of the way of some stupid cager, cellphone growing out of their head, making a turn without the right-of-way. My only regret is that the penalty is a mere $20 ($50 for the second offense)—ought to be confiscation of the phone (first offense) and confiscation of your hand (second offense). But get this: Our new law has a loophole large enough to drive a truck through. You can still text while driving. Go figure.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:36 am
I am designing a new cellphone style, sort of modeled on an anal suppository. Seems like a good place to stick them.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:36 am
Good for you guys! I wish we had that here. I’ve alwys been a proponent of “Hang up, and frikking drive.”
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:38 am
I rented a car last weekend for a trip down to my hometown–South Florida. I was staying with some friends of mine and they text. I hate it. Anyway, they texted me while I was at a red light and I thought I could reply before the light changed. Nope. I suck at texting. I never do it. I don’t know how. So the light changed and I was tantalizingly close to finishing. So I edged out into the intersection trying to finish the word “dude” or something, when I had a moment of clarity and threw the foul, demonic device onto the floorboard. It had my soul for that brief moment.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:53 am
Cartledge… :-) :-) Ironic…
Back in 2007, I wrote a post called “Kvatch’s Epistle to the Telcos”. Ostensibly it was about porn on cell-phones, but it had this line:
And though it looketh like a suppository
That is not thy PEBL’s purpose.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:56 am
UC… I’m gearing up for some more ped-rage the next time I see someone breaking the new law while turning left from a one-way to a one-way. (No visibility and a cell-phone make that maneuver particularly dangerous.)
SA… You can get from the South Pole to South Florida, in a weekend…by car?!?! ;-) But seriously, texting while driving is Satan’s way of getting at your soul early.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:02 am
I assume you’re joking about the texting thing, because, you know, that would be even more dangerous than talking on a cell since you’re at least sort of looking at the road from time to time.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:33 am
Anal phones, sounds interesting. People are idiots. They need to concentrate, and not be stupid. In the States it costs alot of money when you fuck someone else up; maybe these idiots need toremember karma, as well
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:08 am
Randal… Wish I could say that texting thing was a joke, but it’s not. Take a gander at the end of CNET’s video.
In the States it costs alot of money when you fuck someone else up;
Mateo… Well said. To my mind, our litigious society is the primary reason one should pay uber-attention while driving. You mow down a pedestrian, your financial life is over.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Washington also has laws against texting and talking on a hand-held cell phone while driving. Unfortunately, these are only “secondary offenses” (I think that’s the term). A driver won’t get pulled over just for texting or phone-blubbering. If they’ve already been stopped for another violation and they happen to be texting or phoneyakking, then it’s an offense.
I guess it’s a start.
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:13 pm
I think the penalty for the first offense should be to soundly beat them about the head with said cell phone. If caught texting, they get a wedgie.
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Kvatch, I have a jet Hugo Chavez gave me. I rented the car at the airport.
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Tom… We’ve got the Highway patrol out pulling people over, and I couldn’t be happier, but that texting loophole is terrible oversight.
Frogette… I think for the first offense, if the cell is an iPhone, it should be confiscated and sent directly to you! :-)
SA… You’re tight with Hugo?! Who knew?