Seeking to downplay the importance of the Democratic convention and its nomination of Barack Obama as the first African American to head a major party ticket, Republican John Sidney McCain III today issued an appeal to voters who are not comfortable with a party he said is out of step with most of America.

“Obama and the Democrat Party don’t look like most of America,” McCain said.

But McCain denied he was making a race-based attack. “I’m not playing the race card, I’m saying the Democrats have too much rhythm for average Americans. Democrats are out of step because Americans can’t get in step.”

McCain charged that “more than a third” of Democratic delegates in Denver could clap along with the beat of the many popular songs played at the convention.

Many songs were heard, including “Sisters are doing for themselves,” “Isn’t she lovely,” “September,” and of course, “Disco Inferno.” There were also live performances by Dave Matthews, Stevie Wonder, Sheryl Crow, and even country western group Sugarland.

McCain scoffed at the amount of music featured by Democrats. “My friends, that’s not the America I know. That’s not the kind of easy listening music we can believe in,” said McCain.

“My America is an America that goes to bed early, and doesn’t want to be woken up at 10 pm by you damn kids and your infernal rock and roll racket,” he said.

McCain has eschewed music in his campaign. He has frequently told the story of how the only music he heard while a POW in North Vietnam was what Hanoi Hannah played during morning drive time.

McCain went on to charge that Democrats are in the pocket of Hollywood, home of the recording industry as well as the movie business which, McCain said, “has put music in movies since the advent of the talkies.”

“Hollywood charges nine bucks for a movie ticket. Do you want to pay that much for a gallon of gas? That’s what an Obama presidency would mean. Make no mistake: Obama and Hollywood will raise your gas prices.”

McCain also said Americans shouldn’t trust what he called “the musical party” to keep America safe.

“Modern music contains dangerous Middle Eastern influences. My staff tells me that songs such as Depeche Mode’s “Everything Counts” sounds Arab. Sting wore a kaffiyeh on the inner sleeve of The Police album Zenyatta Mondatta.” McCain went on to say that ‘Zenyatta Mondatta’ is Arabic for “death to all infidels.”

In related news, Barack Obama singlehandedly defeated the Denver Broncos 41-10 at Invesco Field. He is now the favorite in the race for the AFC West crown.

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