Category Archives: Humor

Humor, satire, fake news

Limbaugh Too Cheap To Pay For Porn

So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

— Rush Limbaugh

The quote speaks for itself. Though I might add that apparently Rush doesn’t count the sex that men who’ve had insurance covered vasectomies are having as being worthy of his scrutiny. So, although Rush very obviously likes long things in his mouth he is, as they say, “all man” even when he’s acting like a prick.

The Job Nobody Wants

“Saif al-Adel, an Egyptian, was named al-Qaeda’s interim leader…”

—  Al Jazeera

“WHAT?! You told them?! Why not just paint a big fat target on my ass!”

—  Saif al-Adel

Diving for dope posted an eye catching story yesterday about a small plane loaded with drugs going down in a New Mexico lake. Now, I had to do a double take because there just aren’t that many lakes in New Mexico.  So the odds of hitting one are pretty slim.  New Mexican police reacted swiftly to the crisis closing the lake to the public when, “…bundles of what turned out to be cocaine began floating to the surface.”  I can just imagine a run on dives shops across the state. All I can think is, “Where is that submersible car from the Bond franchise when you need it?”  Heron Lake, instant party town, and the next great Spring Break hotspot.

The curse of bad hair

So the topic this morning at Casa de las Ranas is how Donald Trump will never be elected president because he has a bad comb-over.  In fact as we went back through our past president’s we found a real lack of “bad hair”.

Carter – Great hair.  Still has great hair in fact, senior statesman hair

Reagan – Epic hair black as pitch, shiny and thick

George Bush, Sr. – Worst of the batch, but not bald

Bill Clinton – Fabulous hair

George Bush, Jr.- The only thing plentiful in his head is hair.

So I’m asking myself, “Why isn’t Mitt Romney our president?”  I mean you want to talk presidential hair, that guy has got it in spades.  The Frog says the Republicans real mistake in the last election was putting forth a candidate with bad (read: No) hair.  I mean they had to put Sarah Palin up just to balance the complete lack of John McCain’s hair.  Trump if you really want to make a go of this presidential run it’s time to drop the birther bullshit and get a rug.

Raise a glass everyone!

Today is the 77th anniversary of the repeal of Prohibition.  Woo hoo!  It’s worth celebrating not having to endure 13 dry years of American history.  Drop by your local Speakeasy or shake up a classic cocktail at home.  You can channel your inner hipster with an Old Fashioned, a Singapore Sling or  a Gin Rickey.  Here at Casa de las Ranas we prefer a dirty Grey Goose martini up with 2 olives.  I know, sounds kind of Bondian, right?  Just make sure it’s only slightly dirty.  Cheers!