Category Archives: Snark

Stupid McLawsPlace

As the DC Mayor’s Office re-engages in the, probably futile, process of trying to enfranchise its citizens through statehood, the question arises: What should the 51st state be called.

‘New Columbia’ has been suggested, but this frog doesn’t think that the name really captures the pure, viscous, indifference of the Senators and Representatives that will…never…Ever…EVER allow representation for District residents. (And lest you think that this doesn’t apply to Democrats, think again! As our starry-eyed mayor will soon find, Democrats have no more taste for DC statehood then their Republican counterparts.)

So, in honor of the masters of our congressional plantation, I suggest:

Stupid McLawsPlace

Texit: Only In My Dreams

Now that the Brits have voted to exit the European Union, secessionist fools in the Great State of Texass have decided to revive the notion of Texas’ exit from The Union. But there’s a big difference between the UK’s departure from the EU and Texas’ exit from the United States…

Texit

For starters, if Texans are stupid enough to try and secede the response from their fellow citizens in the other 49 will be, “Take your backwater, racist, gerrymandered, federal-dollar-sucking asses and GET THE FUCK OUT! Good riddance!” No US citizen should give a damn that these arrogant assholes want to isolate themselves in their parched little corner of North America. Let them snuggle up close to Mexico, who may be their only source of commerce and…well…water! (Because, let’s face it, not a single river that allows Texans to frack-the-crap out of their state originates in their state, and when New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas decide turn off the spigot, Texas will dry up and blow away.)

And for those of us who remain in the good ‘ol US-of-A: How wonderful will it be to never again have to listen to a barely literate, white, ethically challenged, Texas governor lecture us? How wonderful to never again have to some piece-of-shit Texan disdainfully refer to one of us as a “Yankee” despite the fact that we come from Louisiana, or Florida, or wherever.

Keep your guns and your poverty-level ‘jobs miracle’. Never again saddle us with an idiot for president, and please, please, please don’t just play at leaving the Union. Put your money where your loud Texan mouths are…GO and be done.

Limbaugh Too Cheap To Pay For Porn

So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

— Rush Limbaugh

The quote speaks for itself. Though I might add that apparently Rush doesn’t count the sex that men who’ve had insurance covered vasectomies are having as being worthy of his scrutiny. So, although Rush very obviously likes long things in his mouth he is, as they say, “all man” even when he’s acting like a prick.

‘2nd to Last Password’ You’ll Ever Need

LastPass, the online password vault that advertises themselves as, “The last password you’ll ever need,” is basically…well there’s really no way to sugarcoat this…A BAD IDEA!

It’s one thing to keep your passwords in some kind personal ‘vault’—your file cabinet, a safety deposit box, some obscure file on your own computer. But when you rely on an online service to to do that storage function for you, you’re trusting the service itself—that it’s secure, protected, confidential, and trustworthy. You’re trusting that service’s employees. You’re trusting every potential competitor for that service, that in a takeover situation, they’ll handle your most important data the same way the original service did. But most importantly, you’re trusting the entire Internet, since such a service is really just a BIG FAT TARGET!!!

Well, the last password you’ll ever need is now really the 2nd to last password you’ll every need. LastPass got hacked.

Dear Middle Class ~

This morning the Obama Administration is celebrating.  They’ve passed and extension of the Bush tax cuts.  So this holiday season you, the middle class,  will be able to ‘keep more of the money in your paychecks, and help the economic recovery to continue chugging along’.  Yes, once again middle class it falls to you to spend your hard earned dollars to keep corporate American in the black.  Can you do that?  Because God knows the wealthy don’t spend any of their tax break money.  They save it.  So really it’s up to you to rescue the sinking ship that is the American economy.  Better get back to work.