…in order to fuck the Blue States and urban areas—in short…areas of the country where their political opponents live. Today I used the tax code to enrich the coffers of the city in which I live with an early property tax payment. I fucked the U.S. government and the Trump Administration out of a little over $1.2K in Federal tax dollars.
Perhaps the IRS can pull that money back from Mississippi, or Montana, or Kentucky, Trump-supporting states that get way more in Federal dollars than they pay in taxes.
As the DC Mayor’s Office re-engages in the, probably futile, process of trying to enfranchise its citizens through statehood, the question arises: What should the 51st state be called.
‘New Columbia’ has been suggested, but this frog doesn’t think that the name really captures the pure, viscous, indifference of the Senators and Representatives that will…never…Ever…EVER allow representation for District residents. (And lest you think that this doesn’t apply to Democrats, think again! As our starry-eyed mayor will soon find, Democrats have no more taste for DC statehood then their Republican counterparts.)
So, in honor of the masters of our congressional plantation, I suggest:
It’s tourist season again in the nation’s capitol, and as the hundreds of thousands of our fellow citizens flock to Washington to spend some days contemplating our national treasures, some of us residents will invariably be asked for directions, for restaurant recommendation, or told with wide-eyed wonder how lucky we are to live amid such bounty.
I would humbly suggest to my fellow DC residents, that this is the opportune time to inform these naive vacationers of how we really feel about living on the congressional plantation. I suggest looking them straight in the eye and saying:
Fuck you and fuck your family!
It’s your representatives, your senators, that keep us in chains—unable to make our own laws, spend our own taxes, and exercise the most fundamental obligation of any American, the right to vote for our own representation.
If your concept of democracy is so exclusive that it doesn’t extend to the citizens of your nation’s capital, then GO-THE-FUCK-BACK where you came from and leave us in peace.
I guarantee that this will get Congress’ attention. Americans love to write their representatives when they feel they’ve been slighted.
“This is the most fiscally irresponsible act that I have seen during my career… It is completely irresponsible to hold up the budget of Virginia that serves 8 million people for one earmark, for one 11-mile railroad in one area of the state.”
Robert F. McDonnell (R), Governor of Virginia
No you partisan f*ck! What’s irresponsible is for the entitled whiners that serve in Virginia’s legislature to continue to play fiscal dodge-ball with the funding of Virginia’s portion of the Phase II Dulles rail extension.
For 50 years now, Virgina has reaped the benefit of having the only International airport in the national capital area way-the-f*ck-out in the their state’s hinterlands. But for the rest of us, Dulles is a big fat, hard to get to PAIN-IN-THE-ASS!!! Which is made all the worse because Virginia doesn’t want to pony up what amounts to 1/10 what the Federal government is throwing into the project.
Here’s an idea, how about we move the international airport to Andrews AFB. It’s a hell of a lot closer to downtown DC, you only have to build a short annex off Metro’s Blue Line to connect it to public transit. It’s got really…really long runways and plenty of space for new terminals. (The president and Air Force One can even have their own runway.) You’ll be able to hear the wailing of northern Virginian’s from space, and Dulles can be left to rot…oh…and serve Southwest. They love airports with lots of free gate space.
And to think that I used to complain about San Francisco MUNI…
I just took Washington Metro’s idiotic survey regarding last week’s Clarendon incident. In typical WMATA fashion, the survey ensures that Metro will gain no insight about what really went wrong that evening.
The WMATA won’t hear about the 700 inbound riders waiting in vain for non-existent shuttles at Ballston.
The WMATA won’t hear about the dozens of transit police that refused to help direct traffic at Clarendon so that buses packed with commuters could get through.
The WMATA won’t hear about the 40 or so emergency vehicles clogging the streets around Clarendon, when just a few would have sufficed.
The WMATA won’t hear about the thousands of outbound commuters clogging the sidewalks at Rossyln, waiting for shuttles that never came. Nor will the WMATA hear about the hundreds of inbound commuters who were denied entrance by station managers at Rossyln after practically being kicked off of DC bound buses.
The WMATA won’t hear about the hundreds of inbound commuters who, left with no other alternative, had to walk from Rossyln to Foggy Bottom! (It’s about 2 miles.)
In short, the WMATA won’t hear about any of the real problems because their worthless, waste-of-time survey doesn’t ask any of the RIGHT F*CKING QUESTIONS!
Here’s a thought… Maybe Metro managers should pull their collective heads out of their asses and try to learn something from this so that the next time an idiot tries to commit ‘suicide by subway’ they’ll deal with it like professionals instead of the STUPID F*CKING AMATEURS that they are!!!