Category Archives: International

Ragebot News Translation

Item:

Syria said it is ready to discuss the departure of President Bashar al-Assad as part of a negotiated settlement to the increasingly ferocious conflict…

—  Agence France-Presse

Translation:

Sufficient wealth has been transferred off-shore to provide Bashar al-Assad and his family with the lifestyle to which they are entitled after their exile.

Back to the Dark Ages?

Just when you got your entire life online.  You pay your bills there, serve content wirelessly, and Twitter like a madman.  You’re living the 24/7 virtual dream and, BAM!  Complete blackout.  Apparently it could happen.  The U.S. Government this week made an announcement in advance of North Korea’s nuclear tests that the rogue government has invented a “Super EMP” capable of taking down power grids across the United States.  It’s  my worst nightmare.  An electro-magnetic pulse has long been the weapon of choice in Hollywood, but in real life it’s proved stubbornly difficult to produce.  I practically went insane when my ISP went down for 8 days.  How is a spoiled, techno-saavy Westerner like myself supposed to survive on books alone?  It can’t be done I tell you.  Now this may be the yellow cake uranium of the North Korean conflict or it may be a clear and present danger.  The question is how can we ever know?  Anyone close enough to the test to confirm it, isn’t going to be able to send cell phone images or even e-mail.  Yikes!

If you thought Julian Assange was unbearable before…just wait

It was announced today that Wikileaks has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.  Yup, Norweigian lawmaker Snorre Valen nominated them for the award.  It’s important to note that Valen didn’t nominate Assange personally.  And I appreciate that because let’s face it, Assange can be, well, kind of a dick.  I’ve watched his interviews and followed his progress.  He likes sticking it to people.  And if I’m honest, I like watching him do it.  I believe that he did us a great service.  He showed us our government in it’s meanest form.  Duplicitous, obnoxious and arrogant.  I never blamed him for publishing the things he did because let’s face it, if our government wasn’t doing nefarious things they’d have nothing to hide.  Transparency is what keeps them honest and the gross lack of it over the past 10 years has been a crime.  So I guess I’m saying, I hope they win.

Casting call

So I’m reading the news today and I’m fascinated by the emerging story of Julian Assange being offered bail by Michael Moore. A more unlikely pair of allies I can’t imagine. And Moore isn’t alone. Turns out there is a cadre of Brits ponying up to help foot the bill. Big names like socialite Jemima Khan.  You know, Hugh Grant’s ex.  So basically in the space of about a week Julian Assange has gone from being the most wanted man in the world to a cause celebre.  Kind of like Haiti.

I’m thinking that a major motion picture can’t be far behind, so I started casting it in my head.  The part of Julian Assange will be played by Alexander Skarsgard of True Blood.  Michael Moore will be played by Kevin Smith of course.  And Jemima Khan?  Well Julia Roberts resurrect her Charlie Wilson’s War look, and do it in her sleep.  What do you think?

North Korea has nuclear capability…

seriously at this point is anyone surprised?  We’ve been bribing them for years to try and shut down their development of nuclear weapons and to no avail.  The world learned this week that Pyongyang has gone right on developing a uranium enrichment facility despite all assurances to the contrary.  And now the world wants the U.S. to do something about it.  Like what?!  It’s not like we’re going to invade North Korea.  Done that, been there, got the t-shirt.  I think we should really step back and let China take this one.  They’re an emerging global power.  They certainly have more pull with the North Koreans than we do.  And they have the military might to strike fear into the hearts of their neighbors.

N. Korea not joining Arizona boycott – “my kind of xenophobes”

(Phoenix) San Francisco, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, and Seattle are among the growing number of cities adopting a boycott of the state of Arizona over that state’s new draconian immigration law. But one government is bucking the trend: North Korea.

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer announced today she had received a letter of support from the reclusive Asian nation. “Arizonans can rest assured that their state is not alone in the world, we have friends standing with us,” Brewer told reporters at the Executive Office Building this morning.

A copy of the letter was released by the North Korea Honorary Consul and Espresso in Phoenix. In it, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Il denounces the boycott as “a tool of those promoting open borders,” and praises Brewer and the citizens of Arizona. “Any people who take action to keep out the alien hoards are my kind of xenophobes,” Kim wrote.

Kim also includes an offer of economic and technology aid — linkages Brewer says she is keen to develop.

“It turns out that the very Californians who are boycotting us control power plants right here in the Grand Canyon state,” said Brewer, “and Hoover Dam is half in Arizona, but was built by and still owned by the U.S. government.”

“I’ve recently learned that those constitute an imperialist presence in Arizona. If we purchase nuclear power technology from North Korea we can build our own nuclear power plants, and end once and for all our dependence on big government hydroelectricity,” Brewer said.

The governor also said she plans to seek an in-kind payment arrangement with North Korea, so that any nuclear technology acquisition does not worsen the state’s budget situation. “For example, Supreme Leader Kim has let us know that his country is experiencing a serious tequila shortage,” she said.