iNews Friday – “You lie!”, 9/18/2009

Headline: MI6 reports own officer over torture allegations.
Translation: 007 assigned to desk duty pending review.

Headline: Serena Williams out after US Open rant.
Translation: Williams yells out “You lie!” at lineswoman.

Headline: Ichiro record getting little attention in the US.
Translation: Exchange rate leaves Ichiro with only 2.2 hits US

Headline: Patrick Swayze Dies at 57.
Translation: Universal greenlights “Ghost II”

Headline: Tina Fey wins Emmy for Sarah Palin role.
Translation: Fey starts working on Joe Wilson impression

Headline: Convicted bus thief accused in PCP-fueled chase.
Translation: Great MPG, but your car needs detox every 50000 miles

Headline: Humpback whale dead in Thames.
Translation: Choked on Vulcan

Headline: House officially rebukes Rep. Joe Wilson, 240-179.
Translation: Two Word resolution – “YOU LAME!”


Zaidi regrets throwing shoes at Bush – “I should have just shouted ‘you lie'”

The Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at former President George W. Bush expressed regret today, soon after his release from prison after serving nine months of a three year sentence.

“I’m sorry,” Muntader al-Zaidi told a gathering of reporters at the al-Baghdadia television studio, and added, “that America had such a satanic warmongering leader for eight years.”

A reporter for al-Baghdadia who was covering the Dec. 14, 2008 press conference held by Bush and Iraq prime minister Nuri al-Maliki, Zaidi threw his shoes at Bush and shouted, “this is for the widows and orphans and all those killed in Iraq,” as an act of protest.

“While I was in prison I did a lot of thinking and learning to take my mind off the daily beatings, and what I realized was that shoe-throwing is not something you do in a free society,” said Zaidi.

Zaidi went on to say, “I should have just yelled the stuff about widows and orphans. And even that was too wordy, I should have just yelled ‘you lie!’ like that patriotic American congressman,” he said.

“I learned there is no penalty if you do that in a free society, absolutely none at all, zero, nada. And as we all know Iraq is totally free thanks to American intervention,” Zaidi said.

Zaidi appeared to be in good condition after his imprisonment, although he was missing a front tooth. However, he said he would be getting dental work done thanks to the single payer health system — created by the new Iraq constitution drafted by the Bush Administration in 2005.

9-12ers decry liberal media – Want fear, end to Michael Moore movie marathons

(Washington DC) Eight years after terrorists flew planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, an estimated 30,000 people marched on the capitol yesterday to remember the day after the attacks of September 11, 2001.

The marchers, who call themselves “9-12ers,” said they want to remind Americans of the confusion, fear and anger they felt the morning of September 12, 2001. Many said the confusion, fear and anger that served as the basis of Bush Administration policy should continue to determine national policy, and hoped President Barack Obama would receive their message.

“Hussein Obama hasn’t changed the color coded terror alert status, nor issued a single vague warning from the Vice President’s office. I think he has forgotten he is supposed to protect the Merican people,” said M.F. Nutt, who marched down Pennsylvania Avenue after driving nine hours from Westmost, North Carolina.

Accompanying him was his wife, Shirley A. Nutt. She said too many people are trying to move the country forward. “Where’s the September 12th fear? For most people I talk to, the sheer terror of that day isn’t sharp anymore,” said Mrs. Nutt.

“It’s like they want life to be normal, with all their talk about jobs and pubic options. Well, normal life is dangerous. What about attacks on our water supply? Pen guns? Radio controlled airplanes as bombs? Women taking bottles of breast milk onto airplanes?” she wondered.

“These are threats people need to stay afraid of, so we’ll stay alert,” she said, adding that she always serves caffeinated black tea at meetings of her Tea Party Patriots chapter.

Another North Carolinian marcher, Barnard “Barney” Fife of Mount Pilot, said the media is to blame for normalcy.

Fife, a police lieutenant and SWAT team commander for the Mount Pilot Metro Police, displayed a thick journal of notes he keeps when watching television news and visiting network and newspaper web sites. The results, he said, show that the media has an overwhelming liberal bias.

“Only Glenn Beck talks about the National Endowment of the Arts takeover of Merica headquartered at Rockefeller Center, but even he doesn’t mention the role of militant peace activists, the Illuminati, and the Shriners,” said Fife.

“All you see on TV now is hour after hour of Michael Moore movies, 24/7. I tell you, it needs to stop before we get hit again,” he said.

IP blocking an ancient art

Recent discoveries have revealed that IP(indigenous pictograph) technology filtering technology might have been an issue as long as 60,000 years ago. The original developers of rock based communications in Australia, Gwion Gwion, developed a durable archive; albeit without effective date stamping and certainly with no anticipation of BCE – CE.

From Gwion Gwion

There are more than 10,000 of these sites in Northern Australia, showing the potential of rocks as long term storage devices. This is despite constant attempts over eons to overwrite the original servers. Miraculously these gorgeous old girls survived intact in the face of successive moves to censor them.

Of course the Gwion Gwion platform has survived time and space and is generally referred to now as graffiti. The miracle, beyond mere survival, is survival in the face of constant attempts to eradicate it. Rocks, walls and other surfaces might be slow communication modes, but perhaps not that much slower than Aussie broadband.

These archives have survived countless tens of thousands of years, but are now under threat from malicious ‘wetware’ known as VANDALS v2009+. You can find pictures of one of these vulnerable ‘rock servers’ and some of the graphics they store HERE.

iNews Friday, 9/11/2009

From the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Sawyer to anchor ABC news
Translation: Sawyer to host “I Survived ABC World News Tonight”

Headline: Cougar Caught in Seattle Being Released in Wild
Translation: Paula Abdul now equipped with GPS collar

Headline: Laura Bush praises Obama, bemoans excessive partisanship
Translation: Laura Bush narrowly escapes death at hands of angry mob of Beckbots

Headline: Baucus to Push Deal With Republicans
Translation: Baucus “optimistic” about GOP Magic Bean offer.

Headline: Obama urges students to accept responsibility
Translation: GOP comes out against responsibility

Headline: Obama to students-‘No excuse for not trying’
Translation: Pawlenty-‘Trying is too risky’

Headline: Kate Gosselin offered $400K to pose nude for Playboy
Translation: Kate – Jon + staples = College Fund

Headline: Time for Obama to Stand Tall
Translation: Time for Limbaugh to Refill Viagra Prescription

Headline: It’s the Prez; hide the kids!
Translation: Fear kindergarteners will rise up, seize the means of snack production

Headline: Controversy over Obama’s school speech fizzles
Translation: Bachmann- Pop wouldn’t be fizzley without carbon dioxide

Headline: Calif. lawmaker resigns over taped sex comments
Translation: GOP backs crackdown on bootleg recordings

Headline: GOP says Obama needs to start over on health care
Translation: Palin- “Let’s go back to Nov. 3, 2008”

Headline: 09/09/09=Wedded Bliss
Translation: Religious leaders oppose frog marriage – “should be between a human and a human”

Headline: South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson shouts, ‘You lie’ at Obama
Translation: Wilson traded to British House of Commons

Headline: GOP leaders fire up crowd on Hill
Translation: Teabaggers likely to set fire to Hill on 9/12

Official Republican Response – Kvatch and Frogette’s 20th

“For once, an important statement and we don’t have to listen to an official Republican response.”

— David

“The GOP doesn’t condone two frogs parading their sinful relationship in full view of our impressionable children. The fact that they don’t have any little tadpoles…no…NO…that they have refused Gawd’s commandment to ‘be fruitful and multiply’ is bad enough, but to continue this charade for 20 years…well, I just don’t know how anybody can consider that wholesome. Moreover, these two are obviously f’reigners—French, I guess?—that’s what ‘frog’ means, right?”

— Jim DeMint (R SC) Official GOP Asswipe

Obama speaks to half-empty Congress – Absent members had notes from parents

President Barack Obama addressed a half-empty joint session of Congress last night, further evidence of the polarization of the ongoing debate surrounding health reform.

The president used his speech to forcefully state his vision for reform, which included an end to rescission and preexisting conditions, and a limited public option. However, he laid the groundwork for constructive compromise with conservative critics by proposing torte reform pilot projects and revenue neutrality.

Obama also devoted significant portion of time to urging representatives and senators to work hard and stay in Congress, even though they might rather still be on their August recess. “Not every committee hearing you attend may be interesting. Every bill you work on may not seem relevant to your life. But the work you do here this year will help enact real health reform for the American people,” Obama said.

However, his words were largely unheard, with no-shows evident among the Republican and Blue Dog contingents. Many seats in the House chamber were empty, with parents of senators and representatives representing red and swing districts choosing to opt out of their children hearing the speech.

The concerns of Adele Cantor of Virginia reflected those of fellow parents. “The idea of him talking to my son just didn’t seem appropriate,” said Mrs. Cantor.

“I mean, I’m not a student of civics or anything, but I can’t remember a president ever speaking to Congress before. Political recruiting in Congress for legislation sounds like Communism,” she said.

Fred Baucus of Montana said he was fearful of the effect of the president’s words, since Congress is a captive audience. “Hussein Obama is trying to indoctrinate Congress, to subvert the role of lobbyists in making our laws,” he said.

In Ohio, Lois Boehner wanted to know why Obama is allowed to call all the joint sessions of Congress. “I voted for McCain-Palin, and I believe their policies should govern us. Why doesn’t McCain get to call 45% of the joint sessions?”

The principal leaders of Congressional Democrats and Republicans bowed to parental wishes and did not allow discussion following the president’s message. Majority Leader Harry Reid said the Senate is not the place for controversial topics. “Follow-up conversation may happen at home with parents,” Reid said.

In a related story, President Obama paused briefly during his speech in order to take away Rep. Joe Wilson’s (R-SC) Pokemon cards. “You’ll get them back in June. Now go to the Math Center,” the president told Wilson.


wedding-fortune-cookie_300You’re the cream in my coffee,
you’re the apple of my eye.
You’re the bread to my butter,
you’re the stars up in the sky.

We’ve had 20 happy years,
together you and me.
So I ask you once more, Kvatch
will you marry me?

09/09/09 = Wedded Bliss

20 years ago on this date, two young frogs joined suckers in holy matrimony. Yes…Kvatch and The Frogette mark 20 years of wedded bliss today.

And that’s not the only BIG news coming this month, but you’re going to have to wait a bit for the ‘other shoe to drop’!

The junk that makes us human

According to New Scientist researchers have found Three human genes evolved from junk, bits unique to we humans. These were found in non-coding stretches of DNA targeted as genetic junk. At the time of going to press there was no real indication of what the three new genes, called CLLU1, C22orf45 and DNAH10OS actually did.

Surprising new research has turned up the clue, the raison d’etre, for these curious little bits of genetic material. The breakthrough occurred when researchers looked at the differences between humans and chimps, gorillas, gibbons and macaques, particularly behaviour.

The first clue came from a scientist waiting in the lunch line-up at his local drive through; it was sort of a bored ‘eureka’ moment. As he gazed about him he noted that while a few of the other customers were suspect none could actually be classed as a non-human primate. In fact he recognised the potential insult in comparing his company to the glorious great apes.

When he arrived back at the lab car park a fellow researcher had his head under the hood of an old Plymouth, shouting insults, including; ‘what sort of life form would tolerate junk like this in their daily existence?’ I expect that was more like a ‘bingo!’ moment. They quickly got together in the lab and matched the discovery to the strange gene forms.

The whole lab is currently in uproar following the junk theme – junk food, junk cars… “What about the junk in everyone’s attic?” was one suggestion. “that would be feeble ideas in our attics…” was the riposte. As one suggestion has it, no primate would seriously consider Sarah Palin in any leadership role.