False idols

American Idol is pink slipping it’s panel of judges this week.  Apparently it’s not enough that Simon Cowell, arguably the only draw of this show, made his exit this year.  Now they’ve sacked both Ellen DeGeneres and Kara DioGuardi.  Personally I’ve always believed that you could put what Ellen DeGeneres knew about music into a thimble, but DioGuardi actually had a singing career.  Okay, I can’t back that up, but she’s claims she did.  I guess she just couldn’t cut it as the “new Paula”.  I mean really, nobody brings the crazy like Paula Abdul.

The names being bandied about for new judges aren’t exactly what you’d expect.  So far I’ve heard Steven Tyler, Harry Connick, Jr. and JLo mentioned for the show.  How about we hire a producer in there somewhere folks?  Simon wasn’t a singer, he was a star maker.  Fill the judging panel with “artists” and the show’s appeal will tarnish pretty quickly.  Besides I can’t see Harry Connick, Jr. trash talking the contestants.

My question is if you were hiring for American Idol who would be your dream judges?

Frogette Power

Listen…and understand! The Frogette is out there. She can’t be bargained with! She can’t be reasoned with! She doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop, EVER, until the blog is hers!

— Kvatch Reese

When fame whores collide

I was taken aback last week when I read that Kate Gosselin (of John and Kate Plus 8 and Dancing with the Stars fame) and Sarah Palin (well you know who she is!) went on a camping trip together.  It’s just so bizarre.  I mean, how did they even meet?!  Is there some book group for fame whores?  Do they share a publicist?  Did they meet at an Ed Hardy trucker hat giveaway suite?  The mind simply boggles.

Sarah Palin is set to give the kids a lesson on how to avoid bears.  Yeah, I guess it’s one of the few subjects the self proclaimed, “Mamma Grizzly” actually knows about.  I wonder if she’ll bring her gun?  Personally, I think the kids would be better off if someone had taught them how to avoid Sarah Palin.  I mean if you thought mom and dad’s custody battle was ugly, wait until Levi Johnston crashes the camping trip.  Let the fireworks begin!

Dear Meg Whitman –

I don’t get why you are spending so much of your personal fortune to attain the governorship of California.  Seriously, what is the draw?  California’s finances are in chaos, the democrat controlled State Legislature is going to hate you on sight and let’s face it you’re not pretty enough for television.

You’ve been a successful business woman.  Maybe it’s time to retire and find a hobby.  Heck, buy an island.  Just get out of politics before it’s too late because you’re basically going to be as exciting (and effective) as Grey Davis, and that ain’t a good thing.

File this one under, “Duh!”

Headline: New NFL locker room poster warns of head injuries

Ah USAToday.com you provide hours and hours of family fun.  I giggled when I saw this headline yesterday.  You don’t pay these guys millions and millions of dollars not to mess themselves up.  You pay them so they do just that.  What’s even funnier is that the New York Times threw up a shot of the poster (below).  I’m not sure there’s a guy in the NFL who could actually read this thing.  May I suggest a poster with illustrations instead?

You don’t have to be a drug lord to travel like one

The Consumerist.com (a perennial Ragebot favorite), clued us in to this genius TSA tomenting trick.  It’s stickers!  You love stickers, remember?  Well at least you did as a kid.  Now you can take your $500+, cherry red, 22″, bin-friendly Victorinox bag to the next level by slapping a sticker on the front with a gagged and bound woman inside.  Funny, right?  The Cheeky thinks so.  In fact they also provide stickers for drug runners, money launderers and sex toy addicts.  I’m thinking they should expand into a sticker for human traffickers.  You’d buy it right?

Former BP CEO Tony Hayward gets life back, says “So long suckas!”

Headline: BP to replace CEO Hayward with American

Wow!  That’s great news, because we all know no one can handle a crisis like an American.  I’m sure the Gulf Coast is sleeping soundly tonight knowing that an American is at the helm.  After all Americans did such a great job with that Katrina clean up.  Wait, um wasn’t it the American Army Corps. of Engineers that neglected to shore up those levies anyway? Oh never mind.

USAToday.com reports that new American CEO Robert Dudley’s, “ascension to the top slot signals the value BP places on getting the Gulf of Mexico oil disaster behind it and the importance of good relations with the U.S.”  I guess that means the guy looks good on t.v. and doesn’t say talk like an asshat in press conferences.  Style over substance baby, it’s the American way.

Tony Hayward who is slated for a position in BP’s Russian joint venture couldn’t be reached for comment for our article.  His office told us he was vacationing (and banking his $1.6 million salary?) in the Caribbean, and would be busy upon return decorating his new billion dollar Black Sea dacha.

God will forgive Mel Gibson, but will you?

Note: Okay I know the Frog said goodbye and that we’d quit blogging, but there’s still so much insanity in the world I just can’t!  ~ Frogette

Poor, beleaguered Mel Gibson stepped out this past weekend to brave paparazzi and go to church.  You see Mel’s a Catholic.  And that got me thinking.  This guy has basically got a “get out of jail free card”.  He can beat his ex girlfriend, shirk his child support and generally berate anyone who crosses his path.  As long as on his last day on earth he apologizes and says he is, “really, really sorry”.  Then *bing!* it’s halo time.  What’s that you say?  He might never work in this town again?  Considering he still has possession of a $14.5 million house and he built that church he went to, I think he’ll survive.  No justice.  No justice at all.