‘Kristen’ resigns from Emperors Club VIP

The woman known as ‘Kristen’ who is at the center of the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal today announced her resignation from the escort agency patronized by Spitzer.

‘Kristen’ Quits
MySpace.com via the New York Times via Getty Images via Drudge Report via The National Enquirer via US via People via Highlights via Reader’s Digest via Congressional Quarterly via Little Nickel via Cigar Afficionado via Popular Mechanics via MySpace.com

Ashley Dupré, 22, told a hastily summoned press conference that she is leaving the Emperors Club VIP because she is no longer able to carry out her official duties due to the avalanche of publicity.

“It is with great sadness that I announce I am resigning from the Emperors Club VIP,” said a visibly emotional Dupré.

“This resignation will be effective Monday, March 17, which the New York Post has requested, believing this date is the best for ensuring a disorderly transition at both Emperors and in Albany,” Dupré said.

Dupré said she wanted to “parlay my 15 minutes of fame into 16, 17 and possibly even 20 minutes, a book advance, and a Barbara Walters interview.” While she has no long term plans, she did say she hopes to appear on ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars” in 2009.

“I have let myself down, and I’ve let my business manager down. But most of all I’ve let down my clients, who are all very special to me. The politicians, the clergymen, the businessmen from out of town. The role players, the sexually inadequate, the kinky freakzoids. And especially the rich and powerful who are unhappy with life and career and just want to talk and screw, followed by a good cry,” she said.

“But most of all, I’ll miss Lenny, the Mayflower Hotel concierge. Thanks for all the referrals, Len-meister!”

Under the Articles of Incorporation of Emperors Club VIP, Dupré will be succeeded by ‘Tami,’ a 19 year old coed from the Boston area who likes art and the theater, and speaks four languages.

7 thoughts on “‘Kristen’ resigns from Emperors Club VIP”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *