The Week in iNews

To Ragebot readers: Original R&D work on the iNews family of Wi-Fi Headline Translators was done by Air America Radio’s old morning show. That prototype unit, the Model 5000, was acquired by Wiseline Institute Northwest in early 2007 at a garage sale. An OS update CD found at a Pike Place Market pawn shop upgraded it to Model 9000 Turbo.

Ever since it has been activated most Fridays at Mr_Blog’s Left Turn. By special arrangement, we are pleased to install it here on Ragebot for your enjoyment.

From the iNews 9000 Turbo Wi-Fi Headline Translator:

Headline: Israel wants Egypt to reseal Gaza border
Translation: No economic stimulus package for Palestinians

Headline: Bush – faith helped beat addiction to alcohol
Translation: “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines”

Headline: M’s will need more than Bedard
Translation: Seattle pitchers and catchers report to Lourdes

Headline: I-90 closed at Snoqualmie Pass due to avalanche
Translation: Huckabee, in search of landslide, yodeled

Headline: #3 al-Qaeda Leader Killed
Translation: Continued vacancy at #2 hailed as “makin’ good progress”

Headline: Schwarzenegger Endorses McCain
Translation: McCain pledges to build “Skynet” computer-based defense system

Headline: Cable Snafu Cuts Internet Access in India
Translation: Indians unable to email selves for tech support

Headline: Messenger’s Pictures From Mercury Surprise Scientists
Translation: Queen front man, thought dead, returns – will tour with Zeppelin this year

Headline: Chicago voters join early voting trend
Translation: Fetuses now outnumber dead in voter registrations

Headline: Giuliani’s epic collapse
Translation: Only received 911 votes in Florida

7 thoughts on “The Week in iNews”

  1. i can see this wonderful invention rendering journalism redundant. Few read beyond the headline anyway, and fewer beyond the first para, so translated headlines would give more time for journalists to drink and save trees.

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