iNews Friday – 4/25/2008

From the iNews 9000 Turbo Wif-Fi headline translator–

Headline: Pope Leads Mass at Yankee Stadium
Translation: Benedict fired – Steinbrenner names Don Mattingly to Holy See

Headline: Mariners To Play In First Carbon-Neutral Game
Translation: Baseball places limits on Hot-Foot emissions

Headline: McCain opposes equal pay for women bill
Translation: Proposes low interest loans to women starting beer distributorships

Headline: Florida terrorism case to be retried
Translation: “Best 2 Out Of 3” clause discovered in 5th Amendment

Headline: Snipes faces jail for tax evasion
Translation: Snipes to star in “Passenger 5-7 Years”

Headline: President Bush marks remembrance of WWI-era Armenian killings
Translation: Bush begins planning 2nd Annual Piss-Off The Entire Nation of Turkey Festival

Headline: Anxiety Over Rice Supplies
Translation: Condi says U.S. will use “any means necessary” to maintain free flow of Ferragamo, Vuitton

Headline: Unspoken demographic problem for Obama? – might have a unique problem because he’s African-American
Translation: CNN shocked – African-American judged by different standard

Headline: US says North Korea gave Syria nuclear assistance
Translation: Colin Powell returns to UN – reveals sketches of mobile kimchi labs

Headline: Rush Incites Riots In Denver
Translation: Limbaugh tries to explain ‘nappy-headed delegates’ comment

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