iNews Friday – 1/23/2009

From the iNews 9000 wi-fi headline translator —

Headline: National Zoo’s Pandas Try Mating
Translation: But won’t marry until Prop. 8 is repealed

Headline: A Historic Inauguration Draws Throngs To the Mall
Translation: Clarence Thomas disappointed there were no thongs at the Mall

Headline: Perino passed out boxes of Bush M&Ms in the West Wing
Translation: Bush thrilled to receive “special” W&Ws candy tribute

Headline: Zero Arrests During Obama Inaugural
Translation: “Obama already soft on crime,” Chris Wallace reports

Headline: Oath Is Administered Once Again
Translation: In administers Roberts again Obama swears

Headline: Obama’s first day – Gitmo, Gaza, ethics
Translation: “Obama is too busy” say right wing bloggers – Falling behind typing with two fingers

Headline: Housekeeper and Taxes Are Said to Derail Kennedy’s Bid
Translation: “Kennedys haven’t given enough to the country,” critics say

Headline: Sarah Palin in book deal
Translation: “A Guide to Prepositions and the Run-On Sentence” preemptively banned from libraries, journalism schools

Headline: Microsoft Slashes Jobs as Sales Fall
Translation: Steve Jobs will make full recovery – Zune still lame

Headline: Obama shuts network of CIA ‘ghost prisons’
Translation: Congress to investigate Agency officials Venkmann, Stantz, Spengler, Zeddmore

3 thoughts on “iNews Friday – 1/23/2009”

  1. Translation: “Obama already soft on crime,” Chris Wallace reports

    I heard that the DC Police estimated the number of attendees on the National Mall at 2158 +(-) 7.

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