India launches anti-hunger campaign – “American cars are being parked with empty tanks”

Prime minister Pratibha Patil of India has called on his people to do their part in fighting world hunger.

Patil’s announcement was in response to President Bush’s alarm over the size of India’s middle class, and how its rising standard of living is contributing to higher prices around the world.

“When you start getting wealth, you start demanding better nutrition and better food,” Bush said last Friday. “Demand is high, and that causes the price to go up,” the president said.

“Corn is yummy,” said Bush gravely. “But demand for corn to eat competes with corn for ethanol. Again, prices go up.”

“That’s economics, I’m the economister,” Bush said.

Patil appealed to Indians to do their part to help America.

In a nationwide TV address, Patil depicted an America in dire straits.

“Too many American cars are being parked at night with empty fuel tanks,” Patil said. “Fire up the tandoor and cook something other than corn. Something basic, like rice. Or something more nouvelle — a mushroom ragout, for example.”

E85 ethanol prices responded to the act of goodwill by falling 5 cents to $2.94 a gallon. Fewer American cars are expected to go to the garage hungry tonight.

McCain misspoke on reason for war – Meant to say Iran a danger to olive oil supplies

John McCain said today that he misspoke in recent campaign remarks, in which when he appeared to link the Iraq war with America’s dependence on Mideast crude.

“My friends, I will have an energy policy that we will be talking about, which will eliminate our dependence on oil from the Middle East that will prevent us from having ever to send our young men and women into conflict again in the Middle East,” McCain said Friday in Denver.

Today the presumptive Republican nominee to succeed President Bush clarified that he meant to refer to olive oil, not petroleum.

“Olive oil is a vital staple in the Mideast as well as the pantries of cooks the world over.”

McCain said if he is elected, he would lead a coalition of haute cuisine nations in preemptive military action against Iran. “We must prevent disruption of olive oil supplies, we cannot wait for the smoking tandoor which could come in the form of a mushroom ragout,” he said.

McCain said the use of olive oil would be demonstrated for reporters traveling with the McCain campaign. Cindy McCain has prepared a generous Mideastern-style buffet with falafel, lamb kebabs, gyros and hummus, he said, so journalists should stop asking questions and head over to the hospitality tent as soon as possible.

Good news on health care

John McCain today hailed recent news that 8 million additional Americans have lost health insurance coverage during the Bush presidency.

He was responding to an announcement by House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD) that a total of 47 million Americans now lack coverage.

“The way to look it is that an additional 8 million Americans are getting their health care through the free market,” McCain said.

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