Bush Named Goodwill Ambassador – Ex-prez called “perfect symbol of post-prosperity America”

Former President George W. Bush has completed his transition to private life — by returning to public service as a Goodwill Ambassador, literally. Bush’s office announced today that the 43rd president has agreed to be the new U.S. spokesman for Goodwill Industries.

The well known used-goods retailer, which also provides training, employment and a host of services to the disadvantaged and physically and developmentally challenged, will provide those services to Mr. Bush in exchange for his public relations duties, according to Goodwill spokesman Willy Frandle.

“Goodwill has long been known as a seller of quality used merchandise at hugely discounted prices,” said Frandle.

“Now that America is entering a period of severe economic dislocation, Goodwill wants to market itself to a wider audience. Goodwill needs an ambassador to reach that audience. Who better than George W. Bush to be the symbol of the post-prosperity America he helped create?” he said.

“In exchange, Goodwill help Mr. Bush reenter civilian life, helping to educate him in some basic life skills such as interpersonal communication and how to handle money.”

The former president said he is excited about his new role, and looks forward to the life skills classes. “Imagine what the last eight years might have been like, had I known how to handle money, when it was the wrong time to crack jokes, and not to give the German Chancellor a shoulder massage,” Bush said.

Frandle unveiled two Bush-associated marketing tools, the first a reworking of Goodwill’s logo that incorporates Bush’s likeness.

The second are lifesize cardboard cut-outs of Bush. The cut-outs will be placed in all Goodwill stores nationwide to greet shoppers. A computer chip will play a recording of Bush saying, “Sorry you can’t afford regular-price retail anymore. Sorry you can’t afford regular-price retail anymore…”

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