iNews Friday, Technical Difficulties Edition – 3/13/2009

From the iNews 9000 wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Margaret Hamburg is President Obama’s pick to run the FDA
Translation: (What is that, a bump? More like a lump. It wasn’t there last week. Hey, I hold my cellphone on that side of my head…)

Headline: Romania president’s flashy daughter seeks EU seat

Translation: Elena Basescu shows her position on the issues

Headline: Kerlikowske is nominated to head nation’s drug control office
Translation: Drug czar relieved appointees no longer receive President-chosen nickname

Headline: Palin’s Teenage Daughter Splits from Father of Her Child

Translation: Gov. Palin buys new shotgun

Translation (Turbo mode): Levi Johnston gets milk for free – Plus 18 years of child support and college tuition

Headline: Obama Establishes White House Council on Women and Girls
Translation: Obama mother-in-law appointed to Greenland-based council

Headline: North Korean alert for “space launch”

Translation: OJ Simpson cast in Capricorn One sequel

You will also be amused by: Bachmann to host “America’s Next Top Michael Steele” – FOX News launches ‘Unreality TV’ genre