Feds issue salmonella recall alert – Tainted corporate bonuses being returned

Anxious executives of insurance giant American International Group are turning in millions of dollars in bonuses today following last weekend’s issuance of a federal recall on the bonuses, citing danger of
salmonella contamination.

Salmonella is an infection that can be contracted from poorly washed or laundered money. Contamination affects the money as well as the things it is used to purchase, such as foreign sports cars, luxury vacations, summer homes, members of Congress, and prostitutes. Discovery of infection is accompanied by rashes of public outrage and feverish Congressional posturing.

Concern mounted last week, when severe cases of bad vibes swept through the upper management of AIG. By Friday, executives who had received $165 million worth of bonuses were reporting clusters of protesters around their enlarged homes. The government issued the recall yesterday.

Federal financial health officials said AIG executives should return the bonuses to the Treasury Department for a 10% refund.

The source of contamination has been traced to a defective thermostat in the accounting department used to store federal bailout money.

One thought on “Feds issue salmonella recall alert – Tainted corporate bonuses being returned”

  1. Hmmm…that’s funny. I heard that AIG was warned that the bonuses were contaminated with a spore that causes IGS (irreversible genital shrinkage). How are these guys expected to cause the next economic meltdown without their gargantuan balls?

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