Conservatives rattled when saber stays sheathed

Armchair diplomats across America were disappointed yesterday, when the official Saber Of The United States was not used in the rescue of ship Captain Richard Phillips. Phillips, held hostage by Somali pirates for five days following a failed attempt to seize his ship the Maersk Alabama, was rescued by U.S. Navy SEALS in a lightning operation Sunday.

“It was the most boring match-up I’ve ever seen,” said nationally syndicated talk show host Rush Limbaugh, who had been promoting the event as Sooper Dooper Sunday.

“Three lousy sniper shots, and that’s it? Coach Barack Obama even kept the saber out of the game, unrattled. The international trash-talking is the most exciting part of The War Against Terror,” Limbaugh said.

Indeed, Obama’s failure to rattle the saber disappointed many War fans.

“Sooper Dooper Sunday was a bummer,” observed Brevard P. Ditto, 34, a War enthusiast from Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

“Obama kept the saber on the bench, it didn’t get the chance to rattle even once. If you ask me, the coach isn’t a coach if he doesn’t use all tools available,” Ditto said.

“Ditto, this was like a no-hitter in baseball. A win, but bor-ing,” chimed in Ditto’s friend Billy Ray Enencephaly, 32. Enencephaly had donned a George W. Bush “43” game jersey and painted his face red, white and blue to watch the War on Ditto’s plasma TV.

“We’re Americans! We’re loud, we’re proud, and we’re huge, and we tell the world we’re better than them, or we’ll kick their ass!” said Enencephaly.

“But Coach Obama didn’t trash-talk nothing to nobody. Why should anyone take an interest in world affairs if our Coach isn’t going to scream and yell and insult the other team? Such an incompetent coach needs to have his birth certifcate checked,” Enencephaly said.

Asked what they would do now that the long 2001-09 saber-rattling season has ended, Ditto said he has joined the so-called “Tea Party” movement. He is hosting an event on Wednesday.

“I’m bringing the cucumber sandwiches,” added Enencephaly.

One thought on “Conservatives rattled when saber stays sheathed”

  1. I love it when they try to shake the tree ,beating their chest,and talking trash ,about shaking and rattling the war sword to a country that couldn’t defend it self if it wanted too ,they scream and moan and say how weak President Obama is when he does not react right away, cause it took 5 days for us to put an end to the stand-off at sea , but when another country who has the bomb like we do , and confronts the U.S. the idiots on the right don’t seem to want to talk fight right away and can’t seem to open their mouths until they get the go ahead from their fear-mongering leaders …….

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