Hello, this is former President George Dubya Bush. Please, hold your applause.
The start of a president’s admenstruation sets the tone for his entire term in office. So it’s impordant that the Commander in Chief, the Numero Uno, has a good report card for the first hunderd days.
That’s why when it was time for my report card on my first hunderd days as president, I used Liquid Paper®.
Now, a lot of you young people today may not be familiar with this miracle liquid, accustomary as you are to using computers and the internets.
Back when I was a boy in boarding school, we couldn’t cover up our mistakes by hitting the Delete key, clicking on the Trash, or hiring Geeks On Call to erase hard drives. No, we had real report cards, paper ones made from old growth timber. Our teachers would write down our grades by hand, or print them using an ancient device called a “typewriter.” Which is sorta like a PC without the TV screen.
Now, sometimes the teachers made, uh, typological errors, and we students had to correct them. A little dab of Liquid Paper® here (using the handy appligator brush), a dab there, some fancy “typewriter” work, and Mission Accomplished: an F becomes a Gentleman’s C.
Sometimes, depending on the boarding school, the report cards would be on colored paper. I think you call them paper of color nowdays. Anyhow, this was not a problem because the good people at Liquid Paper® make dif’rent colored Liquid Paper®s. Liquid Paper® of color. In other words, a rainbow of diversity.
When one president leaves office, by tradition he leaves a handwritten note for the next fella. I wrote such a note for President Barack Osama — naw, I can’t tell you what I told him, it’s supposed to be private.
But I will tell you this: I couldn’t have written it without Liquid Paper®. And what’s more, I left him the bottle.
Thank you, and may dog bless Merica.