iNews Friday, 5/15/2009

From the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: White House aide resigns over NY flyover
Translation: Caldera takes train out of the capital

Headline: Women’s fertility drug caused failed Ramirez test
Translation: Manny’s testicles no longer suspended

Headline: Manny ‘very sorrowful’
Translation: Ramirez on 50 game DL – Post-partum depression

Headline: Dennis Miller on Wanda Sykes’ Controversial Jokes at White House
Translation: “Where are the precious Kierkegaard references?” asks smug prick

Headline: Republicans to Brand Democrats as “Democrat Socialist Party”
Translation: Most Americans have already branded Republicans as “American Nazi Party”

Headline: WHO meets on production of swine flu vaccine
Translation: World hails vaccine found on cheese in Daltrey’s refrigerator

Headline: Budget Crisis in California Could Claim Landmarks
Translation: Stop payment on California pageant organizers’ check could force Prejean to return implants

Headline: Abuse photos put US in ‘double catch-22’
Translation: 2×22=44, and Obama is the 44th president – “COINCIDENCE?” asks Alex Jones

Headline: Bike to work on Friday
Translation: Bike to work commuters outnumbered by those biking to unemployment office

Headline: Prudential, Hartford Among Insurers Cleared for US Bailout
Translation: Geithner gored by stag after being hit by piece of the rock

Headline: Rove to Be Interviewed Over Attorney Firings
Translation: Poll – Americans say waterboarding would be OK in interview of this type

7 thoughts on “iNews Friday, 5/15/2009”

  1. Republicans to Brand Democrats as “Democrat Socialist Party”

    GOP sued by the RIAA, claiming trademark on the “DSP” label. ;-)

  2. Stop payment on California pageant organizers’ check could force Prejean to return implants…

    Well…the Governator did say that he was willing to sell “California’s landmarks” to raise funds to close the budget shortfall.

  3. Ramirez on 50 game DL – Post-partum depression

    As a fan of teh Man Ram, that had me LOL!

    To Kvatch in #2; are you saying the Governator is considering legalizing quasi-celebrity prostitution in teh Cali? I’ve only been to the Golden State once, but if this is true, I’ll be back!</em.

    ;)

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