If Jesus is coming back as a Cheeto we’re all doomed

I read a hilarious article today over on the Consumerist.com on how some enterprising Dallas couple found a Jesus-shaped Cheeto among their snacks.  They’ve decided to sell him on e-Bay like the Virgin Mary grilled cheese and various other religious foods we’ve seen over the years.  I find myself wondering, “Is this the second coming?  The rapture even?  Is Jesus coming back as a Cheeto?!”  How can we be sure?  I mean the Bible has some pretty severe proscriptions against false icons.  How can we know when the *real* Jesus appears on our plates?  And if we’re wrong, what then?

11 thoughts on “If Jesus is coming back as a Cheeto we’re all doomed”

  1. Not to worry. Jesus has already tried coming back as a snack food and it was a disaster. He miscalculated and wound up in a bowl of Doritos at a frat party where a lot of pot was making the rounds. Needless to say he didn’t last long.
    His latest attempt was as an innocent young Iraqi guy but he chose a name that sounded a lot like one of those Al Qaeda guys and he wound up in a prison in Baghdad. He decided to pass on the electrodes, waterboarding and sleep deprivation.
    Rumor has it he is working on a routine and is going to try for “American Idol”.

  2. When the real Jesus comes back it will not be as a snack food, but as a forensic accountant. He’ll march into the Vatican and demand a look at the books.. ..no not those ones, the REAL books. The Pope will try to strangle Jesus with his bare hands, for which act he will be turned into a pillar of Kosher salt.

    When I saw this in a vision I thought the Kosher salt was a nice touch.

  3. Oh, these people are delusional if they think they’ll make money on this. The Catholic Church already beat them to it with the bread wafers that it calls the body of Christ. What’s more, they give it away for free and on occassion throw in a complimentary sip of wine it says is his blood.

  4. Fallenmonk – American Idol? That would be akin to Armageddon. I think if Jesus is coming back it’s as a cookie. He’d be “magically delicious”.

    SbT – Oooh I like that. Let’s write a screenplay and send it to Ron Howard. He’s looking for his next Vatican flick. Kosher salt, love it!

    Spartacus – I’ve always wondered about the folks who see the Virgin Mary on an underpass or Jesus in a sandwich. I’d expect the Vatican to have better control over it’s brand. Mary (TM).

  5. Randal & Kvatch – You don’t think Mr. Peanut was divine do you? Dapper, yes. Divine, no.

    p.s. So why was there no Mrs. Peanut? Was he, uhhh, gay?!!!

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