iNews Friday, 6/12/2009

From the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: New Ronald Reagan statue stands tall in Capitol
Translation: Reagan Named “Emotionally Distant Step-Father of His Country”

Headline: Supreme Court Clears Way for the Sale of Chrysler to Fiat
Translation: Judicial fiat allows sale to Fiat

Headline: Palin calls Letterman ‘pathetic’ after ‘slutty flight attendant’ joke
Translation: “Coffee, tea or right wing extremism?”

Headline: Supreme Court nominee Sotomayor fractures ankle
Translation: Sotomayor fell while fleeing Republican zombies

Headline: PETA Asks Pike Place Fishmongers To Not Throw Fish
Translation: Bystanders injured when fishmongers practice throwing Tofurky

Headline: Penguins stay alive with 2-1 win
Translation: Avoid long march back to Antarctica

Headline: Dog gets high eating marijuana in Seattle park
Translation: Dog leads Evergreen State College to Ultimate Frisbee championship

Headline: Pyongyang may be prepping nuclear test
Translation: DPRK going to an awful lot of trouble to microwave leftovers

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