It’s been a tough week for Family Palin. But we were finally able to put one in the win column now that Willow finally got her apology from Dave Letterman.
I found out what happened when I got back yesterday from my annual baby whale hunting trip.
I didn’t even have a chance to unload the depth charge launcher from the back of the 4×4, when Sarah came running to tell me how that East Coast New York Jew elitist so-called comedian said he wanted Alex Rodriguez to impregnate my little Tater Chip (that’s what I call her).
As if we haven’t had enough hardship the past year. Not only do we have a Muslim as president instead of Solid John (that’s what I call him) and a special needs baby at home, but my oldest daughter is a new mom and a widow to boot (you might as well come out of hiding and face the music, Levi — or Dead Man, that’s what I call him).
And now Dave Letterman, biggest star of CBS, the Communist Broadcasting System, is joking about Tater Chip getting knocked up.
Well how dare he! The A-Rod part I don’t care about; I mean, an A-Rod grandkid would be so frickin’ cool. But doesn’t Dave believe young girls should wait at least until Bristol’s age?
Willow’s got an apology. Sarah’s got an apology. Where’s my apology? I’m only the father of the pregnant teenager in question. Don’t I hurt too?
In fact, if Dave wants to really do the right thing, he’d make an honest woman out of Willow himself.
Because otherwise, I’m going to come looking for you, Letterman! You ever duel, boy? Just you and me — crossbows at twenty paces.
It don’t matter if you’re already hitched. We have ways around that in Alaska. I know the governor.
Heck, while I’m at it, I’ve decided I want an apology from you too, Rodriguez. And an autographed bat and glove, and a luxury suite the next time Madonna does a concert in Seattle.
Because respect for family values is what Republicans are all about.