From the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator&#!51;

Headline: Sotomayor quits women’s club after GOP criticism
Translation: Michael Steele refuses to quit all-white organization

Headline: Republican – Will Sotomayor represent ‘all of us’?
Translation: Cornyn wants separate but equal Supreme Courts for each ethnic group

Headline: Apple Should Disclose Liver Transplant, Experts Say.
Translation: New automatic liver update feature announced for Apple staff.

Headline: Sarkozy says burqas are ‘not welcome’ in France
Translation: Tehran – Burqas excellent protection against tear gas

Headline: Villaraigosa bows out of California governor’s race.
Translation: TV anchors saved from “Schwarzenegger vs. Villaraigosa” tongue-twister

Headline: New Nixon Tapes and Files Released
Translation: “Cheney, I am your father. Search your feelings, you know it to be true”

Headline: Former Vice President Cheney to publish memoir
Translation: Publishing history – book of black ink printed on black paper

Headline: S.C. Gov. Sanford Admits Extramarital Affair.
Translation: Sanford & Ensign caught in Argentina Love nest

Headline: Federal college aid form to be streamlined
Translation: Signing away your life now takes only one signature

Headline: Wolverine photographed in Mount Adams area
Translation: Wildlife biologists catch, radio-tag and release Hugh Jackman – “Good chance at perpetuating species”

Headline: World mourns pop legend Jackson
Translation: Tabloids, paparazzi mourn meal ticket