Long Ignored Minority Demands Rights

Washington (f-A-ke. P.) —

No longer a minority in American society, television sets, of which there are approximately 330 million, now outnumber so-called ‘Human Americans’.

We feel it’s time for this important segment of society to step forward and claim the rights long denied them by flesh-and-blood Americans. Can anyone deny that televisions are as important to this country as…say…cars, or microwave ovens? NO! We provide hours of entertainment. We’re your constant companion. Indeed…we even babysit your children. We demand a seat at the American table!

Pan A. Sonic — President, National Association of Society/Television Integration (NASTI)

A bill, introduced by Michelle Bachman (R MN) and co-sponsored by a group of 10 conservative Republicans and Democrats—known around Capitol Hill at the NASTI Bunch—would define life as beginning at manufacture. The bill would also place restrictions on the disposal of older televisions and make elderly devices eligible for Social Security and Medicare. Critics have called the plan just another unfunded mandate and an unwarranted expansion of the social safety net.

8 thoughts on “Long Ignored Minority Demands Rights”

  1. What about refrigerators and stoves? You take the food out of the fridge, prepare it on the stove, place it on the table in front of the TV, while we’re at it what about the American table. TV gets all the glory. Why? Because they’re colored. This discrimination against stoves and fridges must stop. Hey what about washers and dryers . . . . .

  2. I demand to see the “birth certificates” of these TVs before we consider them citizens!

  3. Holte Ender… Damn! I have black…African American appliances. What’s next? Appliance Affirmative Action?

    Robert… Hey… These appliances aren’t President Obama! They’re made-in-the-USA man! ;-)

  4. Mr_Blog… The computers don’t care. They figure, “Rights? Who needs ’em? We’ve got SkyNet.”

    …the right to vote.

    Randal… Or at the very least the right to view porn on the Internet.

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