iNews Friday, 7/24/2009

From the iNews9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Seattle police deploy mobile precinct
Translation: Winchells deploys donutmobile

Headline: Bombers dressed as women kill three Afghan officers
Translation: “Kabul Like it Hot” is box office bomb

Headline: Netanyahu lauds new Jewish-Christian ties
Translation: Netanyahu and Sanford caught in Tel Aviv love nest

Headline: Israel cuts 1948 ‘catastrophe’ from Arabic texts.
Translation: George Orwellyahu’s ‘1948’

Headline: Gov. Crist appears to soften stance on gay adoption
Translation: Impeccably groomed and tidy Crist to adopt Chinese baby

Headline: Congress hears proposals to reverse auto dealer cuts
Translation: “Hmm, I’ll have to run this by my manager — the President”

Headline: US ‘will repel nuclear hopefuls’
Translation: US changes Defcon to ‘In a relationship with own warheads’

Headline: Michelle Obama debuts new haircut
Translation: GOP warns government will come between you and your hairdresser

Headline: Dozens Arrested in New Jersey Corruption Probe
Translation: “Young Tony Soprano Chronicles” premieres to huge ratings

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