iNews Friday – Beer Thursday Edition, 7/31/2009

From the iNews9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Police unions call for apology from Obama
Translation: Confederate re-enactors demand White House apologize to Robert E. Lee

Headline: US and China Leaders Meet in Washington
Translation: Obama wants to meet China leader again an hour later

Headline: Sarah Palin hands over power in Alaska
Translation: Transition hits snag – Todd forms guerrilla resistance

Headline: Former Alaska Governor Says, ‘I Feel Great’ After Leaving Office
Translation: State’s reputation begins long recovery

Headline: Renowned Choreographer Merce Cunningham Dies at 90
Translation: Critics – Cunningham’s death lacks energy, movement

Headline: Most panel Republicans to oppose Sotomayor
Translation: “Wise white males” make their decision

Headline: Apple Tablet Buzz Intensifies
Translation: Apple’s “iBuprophen” is slender 200mg tablet

Headline: Republican Senator Bunning announces retirement
Translation: Was first Muppet in Congress

Headline: Gates, Crowley to meet at White House for beer on Thursday
Translation: Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name

Headline: Sunbeds join cigarettes, arsenic as top cancer threat
Translation: If you outlaw tanning beds, only outlaws will be leathery

Headline: Glenn Beck says Barack Obama has “deep-seated hatred” of white people
Translation
: Glenn Beck a shoe-in to have beers at White House
Translation
(Turbo mode): Beck – “Obama hates half of himself – or half-hates all of himself”

Headline: Reds acquire Balentien from Mariners
Translation: Reds use up remaining Piniella Bucks coupons

Headline: Sudanese Woman Facing 40 Lashes for Wearing Pants
Translation: Plus 10 lashes for the wrong shoes

Headline: West Bank Settlers Scorn Obama’s Push for a Freeze
Translation: Settlers, Palestinians invited to White House for Manishevitzes

Headline: “Beer Summit” set for White House
Translation: Crowley picks “tastes great” – Gates “less filling”

Laugh along at #beersummit

3 thoughts on “iNews Friday – Beer Thursday Edition, 7/31/2009”

  1. Headline: Sarah Palin hands over power in Alaska
    Translation: Transition hits snag – Todd forms guerrilla resistance

    Sort of Ma and Pa Ferguson, only in reverse.

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