From the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—
Headline: “Pods Off” – the real story of PRT in Daventry.
Translation: Avidor claims PRT really Muslim and invented in Kenya
Headline: Florida Panhandle warned of tropical storm threat.
Translation: Gov. Crist starts crocheting huge potholder.
Headline: Ahmadinejad plans female ministers in Iran cabinet.
Translation: Iran Ministry of Cabinet Catering created.
Headline: Shelby – Insurance co-ops worth looking at.
Translation: Senators accidentally set fire to co-ops with magnifying glass.
Headline: Robert Novak, Conservative Columnist, Is Dead at 78.
Translation: Died intellectually in late 1970s
Headline: ‘Public Option’ in Health Plan May Be Dropped.
Translation: Obama shoots self in foot, is wrestled to ground by Secret Service
Headline: Aggressive cougar near Leavenworth shot and killed by property owner.
Translation: Hollywood mourns Demi Moore.
Headline: myspace to Acquire ilike.
Translation: war on noun capitalization continues.
Headline: Reality star Ryan Jenkins flees onfoot to Canada.
Translation: Camera crews are never there when you need them.
Headline: Bachmann/Taitz 2012?
Translation: Suddenly, Taitz holds “Hawaiian” birth certificate.
Headline: Slain swimsuit model was missing fingers and teeth, authorities say.
Translation: Media never cared about her fingers and teeth before.