iNews Friday, 8/21/2009

From the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: “Pods Off” – the real story of PRT in Daventry.
Translation: Avidor claims PRT really Muslim and invented in Kenya

Headline: Florida Panhandle warned of tropical storm threat.
Translation: Gov. Crist starts crocheting huge potholder.

Headline: Ahmadinejad plans female ministers in Iran cabinet.
Translation: Iran Ministry of Cabinet Catering created.

Headline: Shelby – Insurance co-ops worth looking at.
Translation: Senators accidentally set fire to co-ops with magnifying glass.

Headline: Robert Novak, Conservative Columnist, Is Dead at 78.
Translation: Died intellectually in late 1970s

Headline: ‘Public Option’ in Health Plan May Be Dropped.
Translation: Obama shoots self in foot, is wrestled to ground by Secret Service

Headline: Aggressive cougar near Leavenworth shot and killed by property owner.
Translation: Hollywood mourns Demi Moore.

Headline: myspace to Acquire ilike.
Translation: war on noun capitalization continues.

Headline: Reality star Ryan Jenkins flees onfoot to Canada.
Translation: Camera crews are never there when you need them.

Headline: Bachmann/Taitz 2012?
Translation: Suddenly, Taitz holds “Hawaiian” birth certificate.

Headline: Slain swimsuit model was missing fingers and teeth, authorities say.
Translation: Media never cared about her fingers and teeth before.

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