iNews Friday, Has anyone here seen my old friend Teddy edition – 8/28/2009

From the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Troubles cloud first Obama vacation.
Translation: Limbaugh hopes Obama vacation fails.

Headline: With Nickels gone, will the City Council assert itself?
Translation: When the cat’s away – Council knocks off at 4:45 Friday afternoon

Headline: White House tried to manipulate threat level, says former DHS chief
Translation: Ridge is new CEO of Psychic Friends Network

Headline: Seattle schools mum on missing property
Translation: The dog ate it

Headline: Prisons Bureau says Madoff does not have cancer
Translation: Madoff cancels plans for transfer to Libya

Headline: Obama Reappoints Bernanke as Fed Chair
Translation: Averted Depression – avoided selling the chair at garage sale

Headline: Sanford Vows to Stay
Translation: Sanford vows to try to fall back in love with Southwest Airlines

Headline: Mariners sweep Oakland
Translation
: Bottom half of AL West has never been so tidy!

Headline: Ted Kennedy dead at 77
Translation: We could be in deep doo-doo

Headline: Conservatives cry foul on Kennedy legacy
Translation: Glenn Beck slams Kennedy for riding alone in low-MPG hearse

Headline: Frank Hanawalt, who expelled Jimi Hendrix, dies
Translation
: “Groups with guitars are on their way out,” principal said

Headline: Kennedy’s body takes final poignant tour
Translation: Dems search for next liberal lion- but it’s Bernie Sanders

Headline: Ted Kennedy to be buried Saturday at Arlington National Cemetery
Translation: Spirits of Joe, Jack and Bobby to pour bottle of Lagavulin on grave

Headline: Romney Not Interested in Kennedy’s Seat
Translation: How many minutes has Teddy been gone? Chillax, Mittens.

Headline: Boeing’s Tinseth – “We’re cautiously confident”
Translation: 787 “will probably stay aloft”

5 thoughts on “iNews Friday, Has anyone here seen my old friend Teddy edition – 8/28/2009”

  1. It’s okay for Republican mouth breathers to speak ill of Kennedy before his body’s even cold but to this day any comments on Reagan’s progressive record are met with scorn and questions regarding one’s “American-ness” whatever the fuck that is.

  2. Here’s to you, Mr. Hanawalt.

    The young Hendrix probably had dreams of growing up to be a bus driver, a fry cook, or an accountant. Mean old Mr. Hanawalt destroyed those dreams, forcing little Jimi to take up the electric guitar to make a living. Funny how things turn out.

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