Glenn Beck’s inner child freed after 18 year ordeal – Captive in hidden region of right hemisphere

The mystery around the disappearance of Glenn Beck’s sanity was solved yesterday, when his inner child was freed from the makeshift prison behind a house in Escher, Washington, where he had been held captive for the past 18 years.

Authorities went to the ramshackle home early Friday, after receiving reports of shooting pains behind the eyes and incessant chattering of millions of tiny demons. There they discovered a secret compound within the prefrontal region of the right hemisphere of the Fox News personality’s brain. Several makeshift constructs provided shelter amid the dissociative disorder, screened from the outside world by a hedge of overgrown amnesias.

Arrested at the scene was the house’s owner, Beck’s own dominant personality, “Big Glenn.” He confessed to the kidnapping and is now being evaluated by a brain care specialist.

The inner child was able to identify himself under hypnosis. “We’re going to wait for the word association and Rorschach tests, but at this point we’re 99% confident it’s him,” said Escher Police public information officer Harley D. Spiedtrapp.

Glenn Beck has lived in fear of liberals, Communists, fascists, and Depression era bas reliefs ever since his inner child was abducted in broad daylight in 1991. It happened in front of his family’s home in Mount Vernon, just down State Route 20 from small, dusty and rarely visited Escher.

News of the inner child’s discovery brought tears of joy to Beck’s lesser, submissive personality “Wee Glenn,” who witnessed the abduction. During a brief appearance Friday night in front of the Mount Vernon house, Wee Glenn cried with relief as he recalled the suspicion that fell on him, chiefly accusations made by maternal enabling personality “Aunt Glenda.”

“She said it was all my fault. Until yesterday I was a suspect,” said Wee Glenn. Pointing to the upstairs window from which he saw the inner child being dragged away all those years ago, he said he tried to run outside to give chase. “But the stairs going down kept taking me back up,” he said.

Medical staff at St. Copay Memorial Hospital in Mount Vernon said Beck’s inner child has been reunited with his family of personalities, but said reintegration could take many years.

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Where it happened
Wee Glenn Beck points to bedroom window where he witnessed inner child’s abduction

2 thoughts on “Glenn Beck’s inner child freed after 18 year ordeal – Captive in hidden region of right hemisphere”

  1. Not since Joe McCarthy shuffled off this mortal coil in 1957 has anyone made a career by accusing people of being communists. Glenn Beck has resurrected the practice. Not only has he found a cabal of secret communists, he has uncovered an entire communist corporation chock full of commies. The name of this company, you may ask?

    THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY!

    You heard me right, boys and girls. The network that gave us Uncle Miltie and Ma Perkins has apparently been secretly sending subliminal messages endorsing Marxist doctrine since it was formed in 1926. This would make perfect sense to me. Every time I watched the Rockford Files I had an unexplainable desire to read Das Kapital. But seriously, folks. Twenty years after the fall of the Soviet Union, red baiting not only seems silly, it’s also kind of nuts. It’s not-at-all surprising that an organization would give this idiot a forum (after all, he’s on FOX Noise). What’s really stunning is the fact that his ratings are relatively high and that so many Americans take his word as gospel.

    All kidding aside, half-witted ideologues are a dime a dozen. What separates Glenn Beck from his peers is the fact that he is doing some serious damage to the country he professes to love so much. For all of the comparisons to the Nazis he likes to make with regard to Liberals, Beck’s program has much in common with Adolf Hitler’s 1923 screed, Mein Kampf. Eighty-six years ago, Hitler attempted to arouse the anger of his fellow Germans by spouting half truths and utter nonsense – exactly what Glenn Beck is doing in 2009. So much of the insane dialogue that has been spewed forth at these Town Hall meetings across the country in recent weeks might have been lifted straight from a transcript of any of Beck’s programs.

    Beck and his twisted ilk have done the seemingly impossible. They have deflected the blame for America’s current economic distress toward Barack Obama. An incredible feat when you take into consideration the fact that the President is one of the few people in government today whose guilt in the matter is almost nil. They have also let loose with a vengeance the very worst angels of the American nature. Opening this Pandora’s box was relatively easy. Closing it might prove to be a bit of a problem.

    Deep in their hearts
    They do believe
    That they shall undermine someday….

    http://www.tomdegan.blogspot.com

    Tom Degan
    Goshen, NY

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