Health care reform would cause kitten to die – Report

A new report is raising concerns about Democratic efforts to reform the national health care system, leading to renewed calls by Republicans to scrap the effort.

The report, commissioned by the insurance industry from accounting giant PricewaterhouseCoopers, found that competition from a public insurance option will cause a kitten to die.

“The kitten is in a sealed box, which is connected to a pressure vessel containing poison gas,” said Tim Birely, a vice president with the insurance company Guardian.

“The gas is controlled by an electronic valve, which is linked to a feed from CSPAN 2. If Congress passes a public option, it will trip the valve, and the kitten will die a horrible, painful, Democratic Obamacare death. We call on Americans to write their Congressmen and implore them not to kill the kitten,” Birely said.

Birely explained that imperiled kittens are a little known yet vital part of the health insurance industry: “We show ’em to the dogs, so when we deny their claims they don’t try to appeal.”

“The only people it doesn’t work on are lawyers, which is why we need the tort reform,” Birely said.

Oct. 20 Local Interest: Trek on over to the Seattle Mayor Candidate Statements!

6 thoughts on “Health care reform would cause kitten to die – Report”

  1. Lawyers will defend the current tort system even beyond their last breath. It is amazing that they rally behind a system that is so patently unfair to society and enriches their profession. Their arguments for the status quo are easily dismantled and are self-serving. How do you defend a system that tortures the medical profession, wastes zillions of dollars and decreases medical quality by exposing patients to unnecessary defensive medicine? See for some fair physician commentary.

  2. Is there somebody named Shroedinger involved in this scheme? Because if there is I think it would put in doubt whether the cat was really in jeopardy, or even inside the box. On a quantum level, of course.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *