iNews Friday, 12/4/2009

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: European Union celebrates first day of Lisbon Treaty
Translation: Carrie Prejean opposes “pro-Lisbian” EU

Headline: Pollard enraged by Schalit deal, urges PM to kill Hamas prisoners
Translation: Israel grants inmates right to publicist

Headline: Tiger Woods regrets ‘transgressions’
Translation: Woods regrets flunking evasive-driving course

Headline: More women claim affairs with Tiger?
Translation: Wife finds Tiger’s score card

Headline: Comcast announces deal for control of NBC Universal
Translation: Comcast Sheinhardt Universal

Headline: Obama’s West Point War Speech: A Quick Response
Translation: A Cadet Joe Wilson screamed “You lie!”

Headline: More alleged mistresses discovered in Woods scandal
Translation: Tiger Woods has saved or created 150,000 mistress jobs

Headline: Actress Meredith Baxter reveals she is a lesbian
Translation: Carrie Prejean – “Elyse Keaton is Portuguese?

 

ERITAS: Palin backs Swiss vote – Supports ban on “missile-shaped Muslim churches”

4 thoughts on “iNews Friday, 12/4/2009”

  1. I’m disheartened to see that, like most of the MSM, Tiger Woods and the Comcast deal get higher billing than the police shootings in Washington.

  2. @1

    Not sure I agree. Coverage of Lakewood was so extensive that we’re actually seeing headlines about the Huckabee linkage.

    Tigergate is disturbingly pervasive though. And why is it that as soon as a woman (eg Ms. Grubbs) is linked to anything gossipy, the next thing is a driftnet for nude photos? How is that newsworthy or relevant?

    And poor Meredith Baxter — big frakking whup.

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