Palin makes Fox debut

Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin made her first regular appearance as a member of the Fox News team last night, in a performance being widely praised for her ability to point while making eye contact with the camera.

The 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee delivered the network’s 8 pm national weather forecast, showing off her new American Meteorogical Society certification.

Palin said the eastern U.S. establishment should expect continued cold temperatures, “because with a wave of his hand the Almighty is gonna freeze all you elitists in carbonite.”

“Sodomites in San Francisco will experience locusts, fire and brimstone,” she continued. “While in the red states, expect flight delays in the event of Rapture what with all the people flyin’ up to meet Jesus.”

“There’ll be a lot of rain in Seattle, which you could see if it wasn’t covered by all these white swirly things,” said Palin.

“Seattle’s red on this map — not because it’s a red state, but because they’re socialists,” she said.

Palin supporters no doubt had their fingers crossed as their hero concluded her inaugural broadcast with a forecast for the Far East. She rewarded their faith by correctly describing the difference between North and South Korea. “North Korea is the one above the dotted line,” she said.

7 thoughts on “Palin makes Fox debut”

  1. Yesterday, God mistakenly smote the Caribbean is land nation of Haiti. When asked how ‘The Almighty’ might make such a mistake, the Lord of Hosts replied, “…well I was aiming for New York, but a spec of dust got in my eye.”

    Now back to you Glenn.

  2. Lemme get this straight – progressive poll numbers are in the toilet, we’re losing Kennedy’s senate seat, the GOP is poised to make a huge comeback and you fools think we’re winning on the issues? Palin is winning. The GOP is winning. Rush is winning. Beck is winning. Geez, get a freakin’ clue. We’re losing and it’s going to get worse. Why? Because unemployment is through the roof and Democrats do nothing and Americans can see that. Reid’s health care plan is a special interest, corrupt joke – and Americans can see that. So, tug on your ridiculous masturbatory fantasies all you want, we’re losing – big.

    [Administrator’s Note] –
    Our friend here surf’s in from adsl-99-148-170-116.dsl.rcsntx.sbcglobal.net, almost certainly not an IP or ISP that the ‘real’ Helen would use.

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