(Westmost, NC) Conservative media personalities were the big winners at yesterday’s Demons Choice Awards, the evil industry’s annual gala held at the Dukes of Hazzard Theater in downtown Westmost.
Talk show host Rush Limbaugh won three awards and television evangelist and Christian Broadcasting Network founder Pat Robertson took home four of the coveted Demons Choice statuettes, the depleted uranium winged lizard with fangs stained with real human blood.
Limbaugh’s politicization of Haiti disaster relief brought him victories in the categories of Satan’s Favorite Handmaiden, Most Likely To Share Hitler’s Dorm Room In Hell, and “The Severed Ear” — which goes to the past year’s highest-rated radio program in Hades.
While Limbaugh won because of his Haiti work, it was Robertson who took repugnance to the next level by falsely blaming God for the Haiti earthquake and deaths of thousands. The Virginia Beach, VA, televangelist won Favorite Hound Of Hell, Most Admired Incubus, and the ceremony’s most coveted award, Spiked Phallus of The Year.
Robertson was also given a fourth honor, the Rev. Jim Jones Lifetime Achievement Award.
Backstage after the ceremony, Robertson flashed a fanged smile for photographers while cradling his radioactive statuettes. However, Robertson’s image failed to register in any of the photos.