iNews Friday, 1/15/2010

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Steele- Reid should step down from leadership role for ‘Negro’ remark
Translation: “Let GOP handle the Negro remarks”

Headline: Sarah Palin takes Fox News commentator job
Translation: In anticipation Bill O’Reilly places large falafel order

Headline: Scalia sides with sex offenders against federal law
Translation: Thomas prefers Jenna Jameson to Sasha Grey

Headline: White House nears deal on health care
Translation: Don’t. Get. The undercoating

Headline: Pat Robertson says Satanic pact caused Haiti quake
Translation: Robertson also says small gnome stole his carkeys

Headline: State weighs giving up control over tuition hikes
Translation: Colleges could adopt Comcast billing model

Headline: Rightwingers fail to dent US donation surge
Translation: GOP introduces resolution to rename Haiti ‘Katrina’

Headline: ‘Pants on the ground!’
Translation: Belt industry launches awareness campaign

 

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