iNews Friday, 1/22/2010

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: 11 Networks Plan Benefit Telethon
Translation: Limbaugh outraged- “What am I supposed to watch that night?”

Headline: Brown Wins, Robs Dems Of Filibuster-Proof Majority
Translation: Lieberman Irrelevant

Headline: Sarah Palin to campaign for John McCain in Arizona
Translation: Barack Obama elected Senator from Arizona

Headline: Brown: What happened here ‘can happen all over America’
Translation: GOP plans to ‘Go all over America’

Headline: Whites-only basketball league targets Augusta, GA
Translation: White men can’t jump wearing Klan robes

Headline: Justices Overturn Key Campaign Limits
Translation: “This candidate is made possible by a grant from Mobil Corporation”
Translation (Turbo mode): Nov 2010- 1st corporate person elected Senator from Delaware
Translation (Defcon One mode): Nov 2012- FOX pundit elected 1st fembot President of the United States

Headline: Obama declares war on Too Big To Fail
Translation: Unfortunately, Obama was not too big to fail

Headline: Sen. Landrieu – It’s time to move on from healthcare debate
Translation: Has appointment to roll around in a bed full of lobbyist donations

Headline: US newborns are weighing less, study finds
Translation: “The Pre-Natal Diet” hits #1 on New York Times Best Seller List

 

5 thoughts on “iNews Friday, 1/22/2010”

  1. Barack Obama elected Senator from Arizona

    No…no. After failing to do anything significant in two successive offices, the only logical step for Obama now is to run for ‘the almighty’.

  2. “Headline: 11 Networks Plan Benefit Telethon
    Translation: Limbaugh outraged- “What am I supposed to watch that night?”

    Answer: Central American Porn Pixies Gone Wild (With Fat, Flatulant Yanqui Fogeys With Mucho Dinero)

    Headline: Sarah Palin to campaign for John McCain in Arizona

    Subhead: Promises to do three half appearances

    “Headline: Whites-only basketball league targets Augusta, GA

    Subhead: Idea greeted with sound of one hand clapping’

    Headline: Obama declares war on Too Big To Fail

    Subhead: Barrage of Nerf balls launched from Rose Garden

    Headline: Sen. Landrieu – It’s time to move on from healthcare debate

    Subhead: Adds, “This vending machine’s empty.”

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