Federal lawmaking outsourced to China

Stocks surged today in response to news that giants of the American banking, manufacturing, health, insurance, agriculture and defense sectors have decided to outsource the legislative branch to China, at a cost of 535 American jobs.

The decision is being blamed on the high cost of influencing legislation.

Leading observers say those costs are likely to spike following last week’s Supreme Court ruling removing limits on corporate political spending.

“Even under the old restrictions, influencing Congressional campaigns and legislation already costs us over a billion dollars a year,” said Lydia “Trey” Martini-Lunche of the Commerce And Business Advocacy League.

“Now that corporate persons are allowed to spend even more on influence, we’re going to see upward pressure on prices as influence providers start charging more, and charging for services that are now free — like cash transfers and drive-thru windows,” said Martini-Lunche.

U.S. Chamber of Commerce president Edie T. Amin said legislation can be influenced more efficiently and cheaply in China, while maintaining quality. “There are little old ladies in Xinjiang province who can crank out deregulation bills 18 hours a day, for only $300 a month,” said Amin.

On a positive note, Amin believes most companies will keep a token legislative presence in the U.S., with Senators Joe Lieberman and Ben Nelson likely to staff a B2B call center.

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