iNews Friday, 2/5/2010

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Palin used PAC money to buy books
Translation: Which titles, Governor? –“All of them”

Headline: Boehner- Pentagon Should Be Part Of Spending Freeze
Translation: Boehner earmark- $5 Bil for F-22 in-cockpit frozen daiquiri makers

Headline: Abstinence-only programs might work, study says
Translation: Curriculum includes Star Trek trivia, D&D strategy

Headline: Republicans try to take Illinois US Senate seat
Translation: James O’Keefe caught attempting to interfere with seat

Headline: What Today’s Republicans Believe
Translation: What a Fool Believes
Translation (George Noory Mode): Republicans believe FAA covering up crash of Oceanic 815

Headline: Rush Limbaugh- “I Love Women’s Movement, Especially Walking Behind It”
Translation: Wide Load Admits Tailgating

Headline: Transportation Chief Hastily Backtracks on ‘Stop Driving It’
Translation: “Get out and push it,” LaHood says

Headline: Finally, Mr. Brown goes to Washington
Translation: Filibuster is the only thing those movies have in common

Headline: Is it okay to talk about your daughters’ weight if it’s for the national good?
Translation: “Ignoring the subject is a much better way to induce anorexia/bulimia,” First Lady’s critics say

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