iNews Friday, 3/12/2010

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Canada defeats USA in overtime
Translation: Eric Cantor calls loss a defeat for Obama – “Time to get out the Zamboni and start over with a smooth sheet of ice”

Headline (photo mode):

Translation: Fortress of Solitude torched by pro-Luthor marchers

Headline: Buffett offers few hints about successors
Translation: No one laid back enough to be next mayor of Margaritaville

Headline: Tea Partiers use Fox to deliver ‘palm message’ to Palin
Translation: “This is your left hand” “This is your right hand”

Headline: How To Identify Census Takers
Translation: Bite marks on census taker’s leg identified as Michele Bachmann’s

Headline: Bunning quits filibuster
Translation: Bunning pitches imperfect game

Headline: NC congressman wants Ronald Reagan put on $50 bill
Translation: Can only be used to pay off national debt

Headline: Sebelius tells insurers rate hikes causing fear
Translation: Insurers say fear a preexisting condition

Headline: Michele Bachmann Reverses Herself on the Census
Translation: Will count herself as -1 persons

Headline: Sebelius calls for openness in insurance rate hikes
Translation
: Insurers classify openness as “experimental and investigatory”

4 thoughts on “iNews Friday, 3/12/2010”

  1. Headline: Canada defeats USA in overtime
    Translation: Eric Cantor calls loss a defeat for Obama – “Time to get out the Zamboni and start over with a smooth sheet of ice”

    Good one. If someone doesn’t buy a GM car, Cantor calls it a defeat for Obama.

  2. @1
    A strict constructionist, Bachmann considers herself property.

    @2
    Teabaggers need to start protesting in front of GM dealerships.

    @3
    I think Canada has started printing it on their 1 dollar bill.

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