iNews Friday, 3/19/2010

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Clarence Thomas’s wife launches a Tea Party group
Translation: Inflatable Wanda concerned about price deflation

Headline: Plane Hits, Kills Man Walking on SC Beach
Translation: Jenny Sanford hits almost-ex-husband during flying lesson

Headline: Frustrated Thai “red shirts” press ahead with rally
Translation: Red Shirts protest high Away Team casualty rates

Headline: Obama marks St. Patrick’s Day at the Capitol
Translation: Congressional staffers celebrate cancellation of Massa’s annual pinching-party

Headline: 40000-Year-Old Tools Found at Construction Site
Translation: History’s longest coffee break unearthed

Headline: President Obama sits down with Fox News Channel
Translation: Knock-knock // Who’s there? // Interrupting cow // Interrupting c- // This is Bret Baier of Fox News and I have a question…

4 thoughts on “iNews Friday, 3/19/2010”

  1. “40000-Year-Old Tools Found at Construction Site
    Translation: History’s longest coffee break unearthed”

    LOL, the best headline translation yet! Bravo.

  2. @3
    Prehistoric hunter-gatherers were unionized, that’s why we still need unions today. Americans have less leisure time than the cavemen.

    This also helps explain why the Republicon base doesn’t believe in unions or evolution.

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