Trip to fetish club “was research to protect the homeland”

The Republican Party consultant who was reimbursed nearly $2,000 for a trip to a bondage-themed Los Angeles nightclub said today the visit was legitimate political business. “It was research to protect the homeland,” said Erik Brown, president of a Southern California consulting firm.

According to Brown, he and several GOP donors went to Voyeur West Hollywood on a fact-finding mission to help inform Republican proposals regarding detention and interrogation of terrorism suspects.

“Republicans are running in the 2010 midterm elections on our national security credentials, but we need to make sure our thinking is state of the art,” said Brown, whose company specializes in direct male services for political campaigns.

“Fortunately, the doorman at our hotel said if we wanted to learn about how to restrain and punish those who misbehave, best practices can be found at the Voyeur,” he explained.

Inside the Voyeur club

Brown says the knowledge gained is worth the controversy it is generating. “What I’m doing is gathering new options for future Republican presidents to use against the terrorists. Al Qaeda knows all our current methods, because they’ve had years to study Abu Ghraib. They know we make captured terrorists wear women’s panties on their faces and put dog collars on them, and they train their operatives accordingly, especially in forming naked pyramids,” he said.

But Brown understands some Republicans may object to how the party is spending their donations, and has an apology. “I’m sorry,” he said, “if people think $1,946 is too much to pay to keep Americans safe.”

5 thoughts on “Trip to fetish club “was research to protect the homeland””

  1. I’m driving down to Sydney this afternoon so I too can visit a bondage venue and learn how to keep Australia safe. My thanks go to Brown for alerting me.

    It is my new mission (not to be confused with the missionary position, mind you) and no bondage venue will remain unexplored until I have whipped myself into a truth-like state and spurred myself silly.

    Wish me luck!

  2. Hey the $2000 Republican trip to the fetish club was support for much a much needed sustainable enterprise that the Chinese haven’t figured out a way to compete with yet. Compare that with the $60 Billion spent on the space station that has produced absolutely nothing of value.

  3. @1
    It sounds like Australia is a little *too* vigilant. It sounds like U.S. intelligence agencies need to keep a close eye on Australia and the bondage venues of Sydney, whoever she is.

    You’re talking about the people who gave the world foot binding. For all we know that’s why Chinese astronauts can’t stand up after missions.

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