iNews Friday, 4/30/2010

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Archie Comics gets first openly gay character
Translation: Betty *and* Veronica

Headline: Dutch Propose Using Dikes to Generate Power
Translation: Bachmann warns Europe is developing lesbian electricity

Headline: Leinenkugel enters US Senate race
Translation: Would be first beer since Prohibition to serve in Senate

Headline: Did Sarah Palin Resign as Governor because of Money?
Translation: Gave oil lobbyists incorrect change

Headline: KFC Wants To Fight Breast Cancer With Buckets Of Fried Chicken
Translation: Breaded Breasts For Breast Cancer

Headline: GOP unveils plan on financial sector
Translation: GOP releases clean sheet of paper

Headline: Obama & 107 Yr Old In Iowa Diner
Translation: President and McCain in surprise lunch meeting

Headline: Coast Guard Tries Burning Oil as It Nears Land
Translation: BP wants to charge Coast Guard $4 a gallon

Headline: Obama – “oil rigs today generally don’t cause spills”
Translation: Obama promotes ‘clean oil’

Headline: Louisiana ‘Fishing Capital’ Braces for Giant Slick
Translation: Fabrice Tourre plans fishing trip

Headline: Spill Response- Burn Baby Burn
Translation: Massive oily smoke cloud grounds flights across Europe

 

4 thoughts on “iNews Friday, 4/30/2010”

  1. I found funny that the gay character’s name in Archie is almost like mine, off by only the last letter…

    Oddly, the character, from what I read, sounds oddly like Jughead, making me believe that Jughead was the first “closeted” gay character in Archie comics…

  2. Headline: Archie Comics gets first openly gay character

    Subhead: Family Research Council launches campaign seeking $10 million to counter comic book menace

    Headline: GOP unveils plan on financial sector

    Subhead: Wall Streeters hope pols didn’t do any revising

    Headline: Obama & 107 Yr Old In Iowa Diner

    Subhead: Senior asks when sons can expect
    to rejoin workforce , move out of her home

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