Local insurance company repays bailout funds

Hi, I’m Thurston Powell, president and CEO of Westmost Mutual Insurance, with some great news for western North Carolina.

I’m pleased to announce that we have repaid our one billion dollar federal loan early, plus interest.

This second chance guarantees the company’s future, and frees us to operate without our executive compensation plan having to be approved by the government’s special master.

For me, it means I will again be able to receive my 20 million annual bonus.

We are grateful for the trust you have placed in us, and we are going to do right by the Westmost community and you, our valued policyholders.

So after fifty three years of insuring automobiles, homes and collateralized debt obligations, we are changing our name to MedHealthEx. We hope you will let us be Westmost’s neighborhood health insurance company.

MedHealthEx is going to be all about innovation. That’s why we are working with Nevada Senate candidate Sue Lowden to help make the dream of health insurance bartering a reality.

We’re calling it the Chicken Cooperative Plan — the Chicken Coop for short — and here’s how it will work.

Raising chickens is a lot of work, they take up room, and it’s a hassle to take them to your doctor’s office or hospital emergency room.

That’s where MedHealthEx comes in. With our partner Mount Pilot Farms we’re starting a fully-equipped chicken bank. Just leave your chickens with us.

Then when you go to a doctor who is in the Chicken Coop network, your doctor will submit a chicken claim to MedHealthEx. We will calculate the number of chickens and pay your doctor with chickens out of your account — less a number of chickens for our administrative costs, advertising, lobbying, and shareholder return.

We’re also going to have a catastrophic plan, where we only pay your doctor in eggs, and you make copayments of bacon.

MedHealthEx — charting the future of American health care. Because we need the eggs.

2 thoughts on “Local insurance company repays bailout funds”

  1. A nicely perverted take on a great line:

    “…I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.”

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