iNews Friday, 5/21/2010

A sampling of this week’s output from the iNews 9000 Turbo wi-fi headline translator—

Headline: Australian finishes round-the-world sail at age 16
Translation: Discovery Institute says flat Earth could be circular

Headline: Palin- Ariz. “Ground Zero” for Border Security
Translation: Palin’s blast creates huge bombast crater

Headline: Top Interior official overseeing offshore oil and gas drilling to retire
Translation: Will receive broken gold watch

Headline: Obama welcomes women’s UConn basketball team to White House
Translation: Palin congratulates women of The Yukon

Headline: Texas ready for textbook showdown
Translation: “‘The first man on the moon was Roger Staubach’ is just an alternative point of view”

Headline: Paul tries to defuse controversy on discrimination
Translation: Paul decides to cut the black wire

Headline: Humans Invent Freak Franken-Cell
Translation: Single cell defeats Norm Coleman in dogcatcher race

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