Former BP CEO Tony Hayward gets life back, says “So long suckas!”

Headline: BP to replace CEO Hayward with American

Wow!  That’s great news, because we all know no one can handle a crisis like an American.  I’m sure the Gulf Coast is sleeping soundly tonight knowing that an American is at the helm.  After all Americans did such a great job with that Katrina clean up.  Wait, um wasn’t it the American Army Corps. of Engineers that neglected to shore up those levies anyway? Oh never mind. reports that new American CEO Robert Dudley’s, “ascension to the top slot signals the value BP places on getting the Gulf of Mexico oil disaster behind it and the importance of good relations with the U.S.”  I guess that means the guy looks good on t.v. and doesn’t say talk like an asshat in press conferences.  Style over substance baby, it’s the American way.

Tony Hayward who is slated for a position in BP’s Russian joint venture couldn’t be reached for comment for our article.  His office told us he was vacationing (and banking his $1.6 million salary?) in the Caribbean, and would be busy upon return decorating his new billion dollar Black Sea dacha.

3 thoughts on “Former BP CEO Tony Hayward gets life back, says “So long suckas!””

  1. I’m guessing we’ll be invaded Mexico any time now.

    Now way! Mexico is way past “peak production”, there’s nothing left for Big Oil to go after.

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