iNews Friday – 2/22/2008

Headline: Kosovo declares its independence
Translation: Nation constructs, removes, burns world’s largest bra

Headline: Bush to Discuss Trade, Malaria in Ghana
Translation: Bush says free markets will lead to cheaper malaria

Headline: Africa Excited About Bush
Translation: Half of Fraternity Brothers Also Excited About Bush, Other Half Interested in Kosovo

Headline: Ghana welcomes Bush but wants no US military
Translation: Sorry, but they install that at the factory

Headline: Ghana’s Kufuor unveils George Bush Motorway
Translation: All traffic must travel new circular highway in Reverse gear only

Headline: Castro Resigns as Cuba’s President
Translation: CIA calls cancellation of Beard Death Powder, Exploding Cigar research programs “coincidence”

Headline: US Sanctions on Cuba Likely to Remain Intact
Translation: Cuba must agree to reduce literacy, raise health costs

Headline: DVD format war ends as Toshiba surrenders
Translation: Bush hails peace with Japan

Headline: John McCain and the Telecom Lobbyist
Translation: McCain ‘friendship’ covered by Retroactive Immunity

Headline: Microsoft’s New Leaf on Interoperability
Translation: Will continue to offer updates and support for Inoperability

Headline: Kirstie Alley to leave Jenny Craig
Translation: Kirstie returns to Star Trek – portrays starship Enterprise in new film

Headline: Mariners’ moves, direction leave Ichiro hopeful
Translation: Ichiro hopeful about midseason trade to contender

Headline: 10 die when Amazon ferry collides with fuel barge
Translation: Cheney calls for moment of silence to remember the lost fuel

3 thoughts on “iNews Friday – 2/22/2008”

  1. “Headline: Ghana’s Kufuor unveils George Bush Motorway
    Translation: All traffic must travel new circular highway in Reverse gear only”

    Dude, you are hilarious!

  2. Kirstie returns to Star Trek – portrays starship Enterprise in new film

    OW! Damn…coffee through the nose hurts first thing in the morning.

    Hey PT…Thank Mr. Blog, the man’s a genius!

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